


Endlessly

by thesoulsailor



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Body Worship, Hand Jobs, M/M, Pining, Shy!Luke, Smut, Watersports, alright bear with me on this, art!ashton, geek!ashton, haha just joking NO WATERSPORTS, highschool!au, jock!calum, jock!michael, what do you think of me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-20
Updated: 2015-01-23
Packaged: 2018-02-26 09:26:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 27,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2646866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesoulsailor/pseuds/thesoulsailor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"I know who he is." The boy, Ashton, commented, closing his book. Not sparing Calum a single look, he hopped off his chair and started walking towards the back door of the room. His movements were rigid, tense as if Calum had offended him personally by just his presence. Which confused Calum more than it should’ve if he was being honest. Normally people were easy for Calum. He got along with almost everyone he met from the go. Not so Ashton. Ashton seemed to detest him and Calum had no idea why.</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>or Calum is the undisputed king of his high school, Ashton speaks through colours, Luke doesn't let anybody touch him and Michael is so getting killed by for hiding that snake in their teacher's drawer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Oxblood

**Author's Note:**

  * For [irwah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/irwah/gifts).



>  
> 
> [tumblr version of this edit plus fic rec](http://mikeykink.tumblr.com/post/108942132501/endlessly-by-thesoulsailor-on-ao3-i-know-who-he)

Calum would murder Michael. He would unceremoniously rip his best friend's head off and use it as the ball at their next game.

Calum would do that, however, after he had survived the trip to the principal's office. Because Calum was a good friend who took the fucking blame and inevitable admonition as to save Michael from getting kicked out of school.

Heart beating uncomfortably in his chest, he rightened the oxblood cuffs of his letterman jacket and followed Mr Daley's haggard back and non-existent neck into the front office. A single glance around and he knew there was no chance this would go smoothly. Besides the two elderly secretaries there were also at least three student assistants. Calum didn't know any of them, but that didn't matter. They knew him. So he didn't even flinch when he saw the silver flash of a phone being inconspicuously pulled out. Great, he couldn't wait for the Facebook-sphere to blow up.

"Wait here." One last deadly glare and Mr Daley disappeared in the principal's office. Calum let out a silent sigh and slumped down in one of the plastic chairs that marked the beginning of the waiting area. Crossing his arms behind his head, he run his fingers through his mohawk and slouched into a comfortable position.

Fuck this, he thought. He was Calum Hood, the best right forward to grace these school's grounds in twenty years. He was captain of the football team and MVP for two years in a row. His grades were acceptable and a lot of people - sophomore paparazzi girl behind the counter there included - would kill to have him know their name. If some obsessed kid from three years under him was to snap a picture of him, he might as well display the role all these girls assigned him.

Mr Daley reemerged and waved him over. Smiling his most charming smile, Calum pulled himself up and winked at the girl with the phone before following Mr Daley into hell's kitchen.

"I swear I have no idea how that snake got into Mr Daley's drawer", was the only thing he said, when he entered the principal's office.

*

"He lives!" Michael cheered when Calum stepped out of the school building, head still dizzy from the thorough scolding he just had lived through. Calum flipped Michael off and ditched the blue-haired boy's open arms in favor of hugging Luke.

"You alright, Cal?" Their blonde friend asked quietly. Calum felt his features soften. Being unanimously known as the pretty, shy one, Luke was very sensible and didn't deal well with drama.

"Yeah, fine, Lukey. No biggie."

Luke visibly lit up at that, sunlight returning to his icy blue irides in a matter of seconds.

"I'm gravely hurt, Calum." Michael pouted at him. "Never would I have expected such rejection." He wailed.

"Oh shut up, you tosser. This is all your fault. How do you even came up with that one?"

Calum didn't really expect an answer. There was hardly ever reason behind any of Michael's actions. Most of the time is was just pure mischief and recklessness, sparking ideas in his best friend's mind, with no regards to the consequences, of course.

Shoving the blue-haired boy off the hood of Luke’s Grand Cherokee, Calum rounded the car and let himself fall on the passenger seat.

*

"Now do tell, what's your punishment." Michael asked through a mouth full of pizza. As every monday they ate dinner at their local Pizza Hut, autumn rain pelting against the window of their usual booth.

Calum shrugged. "Feldy didn't tell."

"Huh?"

He sighed and pushed the remnants of his pizza over to Luke who happily started chewing on a piece of crust. "He said because it's my first faux pas they will refrain from giving me an admonition..."

Luke cheered and Michael let out a content huff, throwing his arm around the blonde boy’s shoulder.

"...however they can't just let me off the hook that easy either, as I have 'endangered the physical well-being of a teacher and several classmates.'"

"Oh please." Michael interrupted him by rolling his eyes. "Betty is a constrictor. They're not venomous."

Calum wanted to ask, but changed his mind. "You know what, Clifford, I don't even wanna know. Anyways as I was saying because they have to punish me in some way, I have to show up at Feldy's office tomorrow after practise and he will present my punishment to me."

"Sounds terrific."

Calum shrugged. "Sounds vague."

"No shit, Sherlock."

Grinning, Calum raised a mocking eye-brow. "You still obsessed with your Benjamin Cumberdoodle then?"

"Fuck you, Hood. Sherlock is a brilliant show. And his name is..."

"Please know, that I do not care at all."

"Guys." Luke frowned at them. And because not even the most heartless serial killer would have been able to withstand Luke's sad puppy eyes, they stopped bickering after that.

*

As predicted his social media had already blown up when Calum fell into bed that night. His phone buzzed every few seconds, alerting him of a new message or mention of his name. Calum made it all of twenty minutes before he turned his phone on silent. Michael or Luke could ring the house phone if they needed something. The rest didn't really matter. High school was a kingdom and he was sitting on the throne. No need to talk to the peasants.

*

Afternoon the next day Calum made his way from the locker rooms next to the school’s stadium to the art building. Michael honked several times as he drove past him off the parking lot in his Porsche, Luke sitting shotgun, waving. Normally they either took Luke's Grand Cherokee or Calum's Range Rover because the Porsche only had two seats but today Michael got to show off. Calum knew how much his friend savoured the admiring or envious glances of their teammates so he waved back grinning.

Pulling the hood of his sweatshirt up to protect his still wet hair from the cold autumn air, Calum studied the small piece of paper in his hand. One of the fresh meats had delivered it to him in history this morning. Yep, definitely the art building. Calum wondered, what he was supposed to do there.

The art department was for stoners that wanted to light up in peace and stiffs that wanted to learn in peace. Stoners and stiffs, nothing in between. Both species were despised by the normal functioning part of this school. The last time Calum had set foot in the art department was therefore years ago.

The strong stench of weed and cleansing gasoline nearly made him retch as he entered the concrete building. The walls of the halls were covered in artworks, from graffiti and black and white prints to actual canvases, showing mostly fruit-filled bowls and sunsets. Eventually Calum pushed open the door to the class room with the number matching the one on his paper.

"Mr Hood, delightful that you could make it."

Principal Feldman greeted him, annoyance clearly seeping through his tone. The principal was standing next to the last table at the back of the room. Next to him was sat another boy, Calum was pretty sure he had never seen before. Feeling his eyebrows scrunch up, Calum stalked towards them.

The boy was smaller than him, frame slim, peachy skin contrasting smoothly with the humongous oxblood sweatshirt he was wearing. Thick wavy strands of hair were matted against his forehead, nearly reaching the brim of his glasses. Sprawled out on the table in front of him were a collection of books and papers. Alright, a stiff then.

"I'm sorry, Sir. Coach Jarvis let us run extra drills today in preparation of the game on Saturday."

Principal Feldman waved him off. "Yeah, yeah whatever, you're here. May I introduce you. Calum, this is Ashton Irwin. Ashton, this is Calum Hood. He's the back-up."

"I know who he is." The boy, Ashton, commented, closing his book. Not sparing Calum a single look, he hopped off his chair and started walking towards the back door of the room. His movements were rigid, tense as if Calum had offended him personally by just his presence. Which confused Calum more than it should’ve if he was being honest. Normally people were easy for Calum. He got along with almost everyone he met from the go. Not so Ashton. Ashton seemed to detest him and Calum had no idea why. Hand on the handle, Ashton turned around.

"You coming then, Callam?"

Calum didn't like the way Ashton pronounced his name. Or the way the black skinny jeans clung to Ashton's bony legs, but that was subsidiary right now.

He shot Principal Feldman a questioning glance, but the man just shrugged, motioning him to move on.

With a sigh Calum followed Ashton who had already slipped into the other room.

"We call this room the studio. Only a few hands of people even know that this room exists, so savour it."

Calum didn't like the way Ashton talked either. His expression and voice all bored and haughty. As if Calum was somehow less than him. "Yeah, it's such a great honor to be here, got it."

Ashton didn't even comment on that, just continued to show him around. The room itself, Calum had to admit, wasn't that bad to have to spend time in. The walls here were clean and white, art taking place on canvases and tables splattered across the room. Low music was coming from a construction side radio in the corner. After having explained the respective contents of the supply cabinets under the window panes, Ashton lead him on a stage-like platform in the middle of the room.

"Okay, so you see this gigantic banner right here?"

Calum nodded, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Basically the aim is to turn it into a park scene. And your punishment,” Ashton's lips curled into a dismissive smirk, "is to help me with this. Now I have literally no idea how eh talented you are in the art department, but I don't think it's very much, so your task will mainly be to colour the background and leafs of the trees. Leave the details to me. Oh and don't worry about the leafs, you only need to paint many many different shaded stripes. I mean, a monkey could do that."

And Calum had it enough with this irreverent asshole. Leave the disrespectful attitude be, nobody called Calum Hood a monkey.

"What the fuck is your problem, dude?"

Ashton's head snapped up at that and for the first time his eyes met Calum's. They were mesmerizing, a gleaming swirl of green and brown, light and clear, sharp as a blade. Involuntarily Calum took a step back. But before he knew what was happening, Ashton had passed the space between them, boring his long, slender finger into Calum's chest.

"Okay listen up, dude. I know this is all a big joke to you, a burden you took for that basket case friend of yours. But believe it or not, this project is actually important, alright? So you can either shut your mouth and do your very best to help me with this, or we can walk straight back to Feldman's office and he'll give you another task. I am doing this as a favor and believe me, as far as I know, painting branches is a lot more fun than cleaning the entirety of this school's gymnastic apparati. Got it?"

Calum couldn't do much more than nod.

"Great." Ashton pinched the bridge of his nose, curly fringe falling even further into his face, hiding his eyes. "Just... just take a few of the cans on the cupboard over there and mix different shades of dark blue, yeah?"

Without further protest Calum complied. Leave it to someone else to get murdered by a batshit art geek.

The rest of the afternoon went by smoothly. From time to time Ashton would look up from his pencil pre-sketching and give Calum a random task, the rest of the time Calum resigned to playing Bejeweled on his phone or texting with random people. After two hours of iron silence, Ashton finally pulled himself up from his crouching position and popped his spine, before announcing that they could call it a day. Calum had never been so happy to leave his school's grounds.


	2. Periwinkle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI: Updates will be every 2-4 days, depending on how much school intervenes.
> 
> Enjoy!

Their table was already packed with footy players and adjacent girlfriends when Calum trailed after Michael and Luke into the cafeteria the next day. An annoyed wince escaped his lips as his shins collided with the hard metal of the table bench. The whole day he had spent running into things, stumbling around like an idiot. But no matter how hard he tried, his mind wouldn’t stay focussed.

Michael threw one of Luke’s fries at him once they had sat down to his right. “Cal, you’re with us?”

It was then that Calum realised his friend had been talking to him. “Mhm, sorry?”

“Wow.” Michael shook his head. “Where’s your head at, captain?”

Luke turned to look at him with curious eyes. Michael did the same, only averting his gaze to pick up a slice of pizza. Calum didn’t like it when his friends were looking at him like that. He knew that whenever Luke and Michael got attentive like that, lying was pointless.

“I don’t know.” He tried nonetheless. “It’s stupid.”

“You can tell us.” Luke said softly, placing his arm on his shoulder. Michael stretched his arm out and laid them around both of their shoulders. “Yeah, spill.”

Calum could see the tiny smile appear on Luke’s face as they were squished together.

“Well.” Calum rubbed a hand over his eyes, tried to rub some off the tiredness away. “I’ve told you about the punishment, yeah?”

“Yup, you have to play colour in the lines with some art freak.” Michael took a bite out of his pizza, shrugging. “Mild one, that one. Nice of Feldy.”

“It is.” Calum agreed.

Luke pursed his lips, a tiny crease appearing between his brows. “But?”

Calum sighed. “But the art freak absolutely hates me and... it bugs me.”

“Why?” Now it was on Michael to furrow his brows. “What do you care what he thinks? It’s not like some stiff matters anyway.”

“I have no idea, it’s just. He almost acts like I’ve, I don’t know, personally offended him? It’s weird.” It made Calum’s stomach churn, the pure memory of being in a room with Ashton, as if the air between them was hard, solid, harder to breathe in any case.

“But, hey.” He forced a smile on his face. “You’re right. It’s whatever. Let’s talk about something else. I’m overtired, is all.”

Calum could see on his friend’s faces that neither of them believed him but a short flicker of his eyes to the people around them was enough. Michael nodded and turned his attention back to his pizza whilst Luke placed his elbows on the table, resting his chin on his hands, pretending to listen to a conversation some of their friends sitting opposite of them were having.

They didn’t talk about relevant matters at lunch anymore. Too often rumours had began to spread like wildfire when they had talked about something at their table. Though Calum liked most of their friends, most of them were also vultures, slating their spot on their table to make themselves seem more important to other people who weren’t as lucky. It was pathetic, if Calum was being honest, but not to change. He would talk to Luke and Michael tonight in private.

For now, Calum just pulled Luke’s plate to him and began eating. The other boy let him, giving a small hum when Calum squeezed his thigh in return.

For an outstander it would’ve seemed like Luke was just gazing around the room, eyes never really settling on something in particular, but Calum knew better than that. Luke was surveying the students scattered on the tables around them in search for his next victim.

Because the thing about Luke, with his delicate, not yet broadened frame, soft features and shy eyes was that nobody was ever able to deny him. The blonde boy had this intriguing thing to him. Even now Calum could feel it - despite the fact that they were only inches apart - that pull towards the younger boy, the urge to ask him if he was okay, to protect him. Luke would go up to whatever person was able to hold his interest for longer than a few seconds and have them wrapped around his finger within seconds, even without speaking. Luke did it all with his eyes, such captivating pools of powder blue. Calum had watched girls and boys do the most ridiculous things just to grab Luke’s attention, make those normally half-lidded eyes widen.

And indeed it was not a minute later that Luke stood up, making a beeline for one of the tables in the back.

Sighing, Calum gave Michael a dig with his elbow. The other boy looked up with a questioning grunt, mouth full of pizza.

Calum nodded to where their friend was crossing the cafeteria. “Luke’s at it.”

Michael followed his gaze and together they watched Luke arrive at the table of his choice.

“Looks, money or the fame?” Michael asked, tilting his head to the side as Luke crouched down, easily swerving around the hand the chosen girl had extracted. That was another of his things. Luke never let himself be touched by anyone except for Calum and Michael.

Calum sized the girl up for a moment, giving a contemplative hum as he took in the rumpled state of her skirt-blouse-combo, smudges of eye-liner underneath her eyes.

"Money. The money will get her but she'd do it for the looks anyway."

Michael let out an affirmative noise. Then he furrowed his brows. "She's not even pretty."

Calum's attention was diverted, then, by movement in the corner of his eye.

A mildly disgruntled looking Ashton had just entered the cafeteria, his gaze swaying around the room for a few moments until his eyes landed on Calum.

Calum swallowed. Ashton was wearing those damn black skinny jeans again, this time combined with an oversized grey wool sweater that was exposing an awful lot of his shoulders and collar bones. His curls were tamed by a scrap of green fabric. Calum felt his blood heat up at the sight, but suppressed the urge. He couldn't tell exactly what it was that made him feel weird, it just happened. Hastily he stood up when the curly-haired boy began to make his way towards them. A few metres from his table away, they met.

“Hey.” Calum greeted cautiously. He could feel the nearby tables look at them.

Ashton seemed to notice too. Expression distorting into a dismissive smirk, he crossed his arms in front of his chest. His hands were stained with smudges of coal and acrylic colours.

“Periwinkle. Totally periwinkle.”

Calum blinked. “What?”

The other boy rolled his eyes, mumbling something under his breath Calum didn’t understand. Afterwards he said. “Come to the studio after your classes.”

Calum wanted to protest, Thursdays were his only short days of the week, but Ashton had already whirled back around, was strutting out of the cafeteria. Trying to not be too annoyed by that, Calum trudged back to his table. A short glance assured him that Luke had been successful, him and the girl were long gone while Michael was busy with his food.

He sat down with a huff. “I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

“Not important.” Michael pried his eyes away from his last chunk of pizza in order to nod at the doors of the cafeteria. “Was that him?”

“Yeah.” Calum nodded. “That was Ashton.”

*

When Calum entered the studio the same afternoon, Ashton was already at work. Clearing his throat, Calum placed his sports bag to his feet, causing Ashton who had been perched over a can of paint up until his moment, to look up.

They stared at each other for a moment, then Calum averted his eyes. "What do you want me to do?"

"You can rinse out the brushes in the sink over there. After that we’ll start painting the background.”

“Aye, captain.” Calum mock-saluted and sauntered over to the sink, water splashing against the high rim of the basin as he slammed the faucet. The water was cold against his fingers, made his whole body shiver while he rubbed the paint out of the paintbrush hairs with his thumb and index finger. Once he was done, he squeezed them all in an empty marmelade jar perched on the rim of the basin. When he turned back around, it was to find Ashton already staring at him, brows furrowed, fingers squeezing his lip.

"What?"

Immediately Ashton's hand fell to his side and he whirled around. "Nothing. Help me with the background now."

It took a lot for Calum not to roll his eyes or clench his fists.

They started at the top of the banner with the darkest shade of blue, colouring in what was supposed to be the night sky. Occasionally Ashton would point out things Calum did wrong, whether it was how he held his brush or in which direction he dragged his lines, but apart from that they worked in silence. Eventually Calum had had it enough.

"Do you mind if I turn that up a notch?" Upon Ashton's inquiring gaze he gestured towards the radio.

The curly-haired boy raised an eyebrow. "You like _We Came As Romans_?"

Calum didn't. Actually Calum had no clue which band was playing right now, or what they were called. Normally he only listened to the latest charts or whatever Michael downloaded into his iTunes. But Calum would go crazy if he had to endure the iron silence any longer. He was not used to not talk to people.

"Yeah, love them, actually." He lied.

"Really." Ashton lifted the other eyebrow as well, effectively turning his expression into an impressed one. "I would've taken you for the “Top 100 I only listen to party music”-guy, if I'm honest. But hey, it's cool, go on."

Without sparing him another glance, Ashton devoted himself back to his pencil pre-sketch of a reality-sized fountain. Because there was no turning back now, Calum sauntered over to the construction side radio and turned the knob until the music was blasting. It wasn’t his kind of music, really, the guitar riffs were too loud and he never had understood why the singers of bands like these felt the need to scream their lyrics instead of singing them. Nonetheless he tried to mouth along as he returned to his work. His brain might’ve molten from the dull task otherwise.

“Hey, Ashton?” He asked eventually. The sky outside was steadily tinting darker by the second.

“Mhm?”

Calum waited until the other boy was looking at him before he asked. “What did you mean with periwinkle? Today in the cafeteria.”

“Oh, that.” Ashton smiled and Calum felt dizzy for a moment because wow, looking straight into the sun might’ve been less bright. “It’s a colour.”

“Huh?”

“Periwinkle. It’s a really, really pale shade of blue purple.”

“Oh.” Calum blinked. What was that supposed to mean?

Ashton’s smile got wider, suddenly wasn’t bright at all anymore but... cold. “It’s the weakest shade of that tone there is. Much like you.”


	3. Aureolin

"What's that supposed to mean, huh?" Calum's blood heated up rapidly, anger letting the edges of his vision blur.

That was when it happened. For a moment his vision was flashed over and Calum saw himself, crowding the other boy against the vitreous cabinets along the wall. He was ravishing Ashton, making him beg but absolutely not in the way Calum would've expected.

Flabbergasted, he stumbled back, shaking his head vehemently to get the images out of his mind because _what the fuck?_

Ashton leveled him for only a moment, nose scrunched up, then he turned towards the banner. "Go back to rinsing the pencils out."

Fighting the weird feeling in his stomach, Calum obliged.

*

He found Michael and Luke sprawled out on his couch that evening, The Fault In Our Stars playing on the flatscreen. Michael looked up at him with conspicuously red-rimmed eyes while Luke was passed out in his lap. The blonde boy stirred awake though when Michael began to hastily rub his eyes upon Calum’s entry.

The raven-haired boy sighed. "We've told you you are not allowed to watch that movie anymore, Mikey. Budge over."

"It wasn't playing when I was awake." Eyes fixed on the screen, Luke frowned, curling in his legs to make some space for Calum.

"It's the petrol station scene. Kills me, man." Michael cleared his throat, sniffled at the same time. His face lit up considerably when Luke began to stroke his cheek, the calming vibe he was giving off anyways intensifying.

Changing channels to Jukebox, Calum flipped down next to them, a slight groan escaping his lips once he was comfortable.

"Something happen?" Luke's voice asked, concerned.

Calum hummed lowly.

Michael's voice was dripping threat as he spoke. "That art freak again?"

Calum knew Luke had resumed his stroking and cuddling when the blue-haired boy's voice calmed at the last word

"Yup."

"Do we need to teach him some respect?"

"No!" Calum sat up. "No, you're not touching him!"

Michael raised his hands, eyes widened. "Woah, woah! Alright, dude. No fun with the art geek."

Shit. What was wrong with him?

"I mean." Calum backtracked. "I could do that myself, easily." He huffed. "It's not that. The uh the task itself is pissing me off. Costs me my only free afternoon."

Michael seemed content with that. Calum didn't meet Luke’s gaze. The younger boy’s eyes were bright and piercing even though he had them half-closed. His head was resting in the crook of Michael’s neck. Michael’s nose was twitched as the blonde hair tickled his neck. Normally the three of them didn't do secrets. And Calum wanted to tell his friends of the vision he had had, but then he couldn't. Not if it was about such a monumental part of his life. Not if it meant-

“I’m going to my room real quick, yeah? Luke, you’re in charge of the remote.”

The blonde boy took the remote with a pleased expression.

“Bring crisps!” Michael called after him but Calum had already left the living room.

His house was constructed like rectangle, enclosing a mediocre-sized patio and pool in the middle. Calum’s room, along with the one of his sister and parents, lay adjacent to that, the fourth wall of his room completely vitreous. Clutching his phone in his hand, Calum slid the panorama door open and stepped onto the patio.

The October night’s air was lukewarm. It wouldn’t get really hot for a couple more weeks. Inhaling deeply with every breath, Calum slumped down on one of the sun lounger’s and tapped the starred contact, pressing the phone against his ear. There was only one person he could talk about this to. The dial tone rang twice before she picked up.

“Calum! How are you, baby bro?”

“Hey, Mali.” He smiled at the glistening water of the pool. There was noise in the background on the other end of the line, people laughing and music playing. “I’m fine, fine. How are you? How’s New York?”

“So amazing, I don’t even know where to begin. We’re starting with the rehearsals for the CK show tomorrow.”

“That’s great! Uh… Mali?”

Calum could hear his sister smile, could see her face lighting up in front of him. “Yes?”

His throat closed up and his heart hammered against his chest. His mouth wouldn’t form the words. He couldn’t say it. It would be real if he said it.

“Calum? You still there?”

He screwed his eyes shut.

“Baby bro, what’s wrong? You haven’t gotten up to something bad, have you? Do I need to call the family lawyer? Do the parents know?”

He heaved in a breath. “No, I- it’s not that. Nothing happened… I mean something did happen, but-”

“You’re rambling, Calum.” The worried tone to his sister’s voice made him feel even worse. “Breathe, yeah? Then tell me everything.”

A loud thud. The background noise died down. “I’m alone now. You can talk.”

Calum tipped his head back to look at the stars. The sky was a single black mass, only few lights bright enough to shine through the clouds. “I... might be crushing on- on someone.”

There was silence. Then a loud shriek. “Calum!” He was pretty sure his sister was jumping up and down. “Oh my god, you for real? What’s her name? How did you meet? Does she know?”

“No-” He furrowed his brows. “No, they don’t know.”

“Well, that’s shit. You have to tell her as fast as possible.”

He dragged the knuckles of his fre hand over his jaw. “What if they don’t like me?”

Mali snorted. “As if. Everybody loves you.”

“But I know they don’t like me.” Calum bit his lip. “They hate me, actually.”

“Hey, now. You know that’s not true. It’s impossible to hate you.”

Apparently not, Calum thought bitterly. He tasted blood. “I don’t know, Mali. It’s all a huge mess.”

“Mhm... I say just try it. She can’t really do more than say no, can she? Try to woo her a bit? Be really nice. Find out what she likes and ask her out. Try to make her feel special. We love that.”

“I’m sure girls love that, but uhm…”

“... but?”

Calum grimaced, rubbing a frantic hand through his hair. He took a deep breath. “Itsaguy.”

“What?” There was rustling on the other end. “I’m sorry I didn’t understand that. What did you say?”   
“It’s a guy.” Calum pressed out. “It’s a guy, fuck- it’s a guy! I’m crushing on a boy.”

“Oh.”

Calum covered his mouth with his hand.

“ _Oh_.”

“I’m not gay.” Calum stated, wincing at his own words a moment later. He sounded like a fucking idiot. Which he was, but still. Hastily, he added. “Well, I think. But the fact that I dream of fucking a dude kind of contradicts that statement, doesn’t it?”

“Don’t worry too much about it, Cal. You know what a good friend of mine once told me? People are not gay, lesbian or bisex. People just fall in love with other people. And if you just so happened to fall for a guy, so be it.”

Calum felt a slow smile spread over his lips. That was why he had called his sister.

“Thank you for telling me this, Mali.”

She laughed. “You’re welcome, babe. And don’t overthink it, yeah? You know I’ll love you the same and I doubt your friends would say something. They haven’t with Luke and they won’t with you.”

That wasn’t exactly true. There had been some shit-talking at the beginning, behind their backs. And there had been one boy who had said it out loud, had thrown a slur in Luke’s face. Calum quickly shook himself out of the memory before his train of thought reached the after. But his sister was right. He didn’t need to worry about other people.

“Yeah, you’re right. And I don’t care about the people at school, if they like me or hate me. Besides Ashton.”

“Ashton? Is that his name?”

“Yeah, Ashton Irwin. And he hates me.”

Mali gave an contemplative hum over the line. “Well, I’m sure he doesn’t. I’m sure there has to be another reason. Just try being nice to him. Invite him to one of your games or something like that.”

“Yeah.” Calum breathed out. “Yeah, I might do that. Thanks, Mali. Not just for the advice but also…”

“No problem, Cal. I gotta go now, the others want to move to the next bar. Update me some time, yeah?”

“Will do. Love you.”

“Love you too, baby bro. You’ve got this.”

“Yeah.” Calum got up, simply rounding the pool and slipping back inside through the door that lead into the living room where his friends were waiting. He felt new confidence lifting his spirits. “You’re right. I’ve got this.”

*

Calum hadn’t got this. He was paralysed. Ashton was in his English class - which shouldn’t have been that weird to occur, honestly, they were in the same year after all - but somehow Calum had never thought of seeing the curly-haired boy somewhere else than at the art studio.

Yet there he was, sprawled out over the corner table of the last row, occupying the only seat in the whole class room that was completely untouched by the bright sunlight falling in through the blends of the windows. Ashton’s head was resting on his crossed arms, face down, hoodie pulled over his head. Was he sleeping? Calum watched a girl walk around Ashton’s table to get to the sink, accidently bumping into his leg. The curly-haired boy didn’t react. He was definitely sleeping.

Which wasn’t that unusual either, really, Michael slept through at least every second of their classes, but this way, Ashton wasn’t able to catch him staring, wasn’t forcing him to look away by glaring daggers at him. Helplessly, Calum kept ogling at him. The longer he stared, the faster his heart hammered against his rib cage because fuck, he was so fucked.

Calum was overcome by an overwhelming wave of _want_. He wanted to bridge the space between them and shake Ashton awake, pull him against him. He wanted to leave finger-shaped bruises on Ashton’s waist and bury his nose in the crook of his neck, the same he would bury his nails in the hard flesh of the other boy’s thighs. He wanted their skin to touch and their mouths to never disconnect. He wanted to roam his hands over Ashton’s torso, find out what that body of his looked like underneath all those over-sized clothes, do things to him with his hands he couldn’t even allow himself to think about. Calum wanted so much that it became physical, like a pull inside his chest, pulling him towards the other boy.

It was around then that Calum realised he was standing in the middle of the class room and their teacher had entered a good five minutes ago. Ignoring the slight giggling from the other students and questioning glances from Luke and Michael, Calum shook himself out of it and walked the rest of the way to his seat between them. As soon as the teacher had begun talking, he dumped his head on his table. It costed him every bit of self-control he had, not to turn around and continue staring.


	4. Anthrazite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Michael's song for this fic is [Happy Home by Hedegaard](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iax787fFv-E).
> 
> Enjoy!

_“I’m not weak.” Calum said, crossing his arms in front of his chest._

_Ashton looked up to him through his lashes, small smile tugging at his lips, deprecating. “Sure thing, you’re not. Couldn’t with those, mhm?”_

_And then Ashton was touching him, running his hands up and down Calum’s bare arms. Calum shuddered, reflexively tensing up his biceps. His lower back collided with the art-covered table behind him._

_“Wh-what are you doing?” He felt his breath go ragged, heat rapidly pooling into his stomach._

_Ashton’s hands wandered from his arms to stroke over his chest, fingernails dragging over the worn-out fabric of his t-shirt._

_“You seem so tense. That’s my fault, I think. I was so mean to you, Calum. I’m terribly sorry. I should help you relax.”_

_Calum’s jaw dropped when Ashton’s hands plummeted to his fly, making quick work of his belt buckle and zipper._

_“Ashton.” Calum pressed out because that was the only thing he could think of._

_“Shh, you have to relax. I’m gonna help you out with this.” Ashton patted the bulge in his pants. Helplessly, Calum watched the other boy drop to his knees. Pulling Calum’s jeans and boxers down in the process, Ashton wrapped a firm hand around him, hot breath ghosting against the head of Calum’s hardening cock. “I know you’ve wanted this for a while. I’ve put you through a lot. You deserve this.”_

_Before Calum could protest, there was tight, wet heat all around his cock and Ashton was sucking, making his hips stutter forward. “Oh my god, Ashton- Ash-”_

 

Calum awoke bathed in sweat. Immediately his mind was taking turns to get back to the dream.

"Fuck!" He muttered, shaking his head to get out of it, forcing himself to cling to reality. The reality where he was alone in his bed.

"Fuck." He repeated, rubbing a hand over his face. This wasn't the first time this had happened. _This_ had been happening nearly every morning for the past two weeks.

With a groan, Calum flopped around and  buried his head under his pillow, fighting the demanding ache in his lower body. This was so pathetic. Not that his dick cared.

His resistance lasted for all but two seconds. Uttering a row of expletives, he pushed his sweats down so they were pooling around his knees.

Smothering moans with his pillow, Calum rubbed himself off against the sheets. The friction of his cock dragging over the fine linen itself wouldn't have been enough, but there were also the mental screenshots of his dream that his brain was supplying. It didn't take more than a few minutes of desperate rutting and Calum was coming, spilling white over his last clean sheets, nothing but the thought of Ashton's lips and obscenely long fingers on his mind.

Afterwards he lay for a few good minutes, waiting for his breath to calm down and the aftershocks to stop. Once it was over, he rubbed a hand over his face.

"Enough." He told his ceiling. It was enough. He had to do something.

*

The passenger seat was empty when the Grand Cherokee pulled up in front of Calum's house. Once he had climbed into the car, Calum wanted to ask where Michael was, but one glance into Luke's face was answer enough.

"Oh, Lukey."

Short-handedly Calum pulled the smaller boy over the middle console and into his lap. With a small sob, Luke buried his face in Calum's shoulder, small sniffles overtoned by the radio. Calum rubbed soothing circles into the younger boy’s back.

"It's alright, babe. It can't be worse than last time and my parents haven't told me of any changes. We'll go check on him right after school, yeah?"

Luke didn’t give more than a whimper. A couple of minutes passed like this, then eventually the blonde boy nodded and folded himself into the leg room, so Calum had space to climb onto the driver's seat. The engine gave a low roar when he started it up. The rest of the drive they spend with the radio cranked up to the highest volume, making up for the lack of bullshit-talking coming from the back.

*

By the time lunch came around, the worried clouds in Luke’s eyes had turned into thunderstorms. Upon seeing it, Calum pulled the blonde boy into the direction of the library instead of the cafeteria. Normally that wasn't allowed for students but a few years ago, Michael had figured that since his name was on the building, they might as well were allowed to do it anyways. The librarian had given up after the tenth time the blue-haired boy had mercilessly stared her down while inhaling his sandwich and now resigned to silently glare at them from time to time whenever they ate there instead of the cafeteria.

Luke followed him without protest. He rarely was interested in conversing with their friends and certainly not on the hunt. The blonde boy never played one of his games when Michael wasn’t with them.

“Today’s Thursday, so I have to tell Ashton I’m not coming. I’m gonna find him right now, we’ll skip History and drive to Mikey’s, alright?” Calum asked, the moment they had slumped down at their usual table in the far back.

They were enclosed by rows of bookshelves, shielding them from any curious glances. Only a small corner where the shelves ended was open to enter or exit.

Luke didn’t answer at first, gaze swaying over the backs of the books before he eventually tipped his head to the side and nodded.

“Alright, I’ll be back in a few.”

Luke pulled his phone out of his back pocket, Michael’s contact opening the moment he had unlocked the screen. With a sigh, Calum took the phone from Luke’s hands.

“You know he won’t answer.”

Luke bit his lip, eyes suspiciously shiny. “I hate him so much.” He whispered. “I hate him so much. I wish he would die. It’s not like Mikey needs him anyways.”

“Don’t say that.” Calum berated lowly. Luke looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. And he was kind of right. It wasn’t like Calum wasn’t thinking the same thing, wanting the same thing. But it was not right to say things like that. “It’s not right to say things like that.”

There was a moment, after Calum had spoken, where Luke’s expression turned feral, daring. But then the moment was over and Luke’s face crumbled before he schooled it into something neutral, zoned out. He looked down. “I don’t want to wait here. I’m coming with.”

It wasn’t a question, technically, but Luke was asking nonetheless.

“Okay.” Pushing his chair back, Calum shouldered his backpack and slung an arm around Luke’s neck. He waited until Luke’s breathing had calmed against his shoulder before he let go. Luke’s eyes were infinitesimally brighter when Calum pulled away.

“Let’s go.”

*

“Are you kidding me?” Ashton turned out to be not that big of a fan of being ditched. “I don’t see any external wounds, so I really don’t see any reason why you can’t help me today either.”

“Please.” Calum pleaded, not for the first time. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Luke wandering around one of the art tables, touching brushes and picking up acryl bottles. “It’s an emergency, I swear.”

Ashton’s expression went even sourer than before. There were dark circles under his eyes, well, there always were, but today they were even more pronounced than usual. Truth be told, Ashton looked like he hadn’t slept for a year or so. Calum made a mental note to find out what that was all about. Right now, however, Michael had precedence and Ashton’s apparent lack of sleep was dragging the curly-haired boy’s mood down even further. “I swear, if you’re bullshitting me and this is because you want to hang out with one of your stupid cave dweller friends or something like that, I’m-”

“It’s not that.” Calum interrupted him. He could feel his own patience fading. “This is really important, I swear.”

Ashton seemed unimpressed.

Groaning, Calum run a hand through his hair. “Okay, listen, just... tell me what you want, okay? Everything you want, really, I’ll make it happen. Just let me go. I’ll even pay you!”

It was the sharp intake of air Ashton took, that told Calum he had said something wrong.

“Uhm-” He tried to backtrack, but Ashton didn’t give him a chance.

“Piss off!” The other boy’s hazel eyes were ablaze and Calum felt himself shrink.

Which was weird, considering the fact he was an inch taller than Ashton and possessed way more muscle mass. Calum could hear Luke coming over, the light pressure of a hand appearing on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend, I-”

“Shut the fuck up!” Ashton hissed at him. Calum wasn’t sure if the other boy was about to explode or pass out. The former happened. “I know, that you don’t mean anything. I know that you fucking don’t know anything. So I said piss off! Go do whatever it is you need to get to! Leave, and don’t fucking come back.”

Calum’s reply was cut short by Ashton storming out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. The moment he was gone, Calum felt himself deflate. Out of some weird reason, it really hurt to have Ashton scream at him like that.

“What?” Calum asked when he looked up to find Luke staring at him with furrowed brows.

“Nothing.” The blonde boy said, gaze not losing any intensity. Calum decided to let it slide.

“C’mon, let’s get to Mikey.”

*

Michael’s house was only a stone’s throw away from Calum’s. The grey-brick mansion lay behind a high wrought iron gate, allowing a peek into the impeccably gardened front yard. Calum had to get out of the car to press his keycard against the scanner next to the gate. After he had done so, he ran back to the car and steered Luke’s Grand Cherokee onto the winding gravel way. They could already hear the music as they sprinted the short way up from the car yard to the front door.

“You got a key? Forgot mine.”

Luke nodded and pulled his wallet out of his back pocket. The music doubled in volume once they were inside. Ear-splitting new age house made the countless glass links of the chandelier above their head jangle.

“At least the chandelier survived!” Calum bellowed over the noise. Luke didn’t laugh. He was already halfway through the entrance hall. The kitchen was empty, as was the dining hall… and then came the big living room.

“Watch out.”

Heart stuttering in his chest, Calum pulled Luke back as the younger boy was about to walk into the room - or at least what had been a room once. This wasn’t the first time something like this had happened, but Calum knew in that moment, that this belonged to the worse times.

Shards of expensive glass sculptures and liquor bottles were swimming in pools of alcohol on the ground. The walls were covered in red smudges of graffiti, sunlight flooding in through the wall-high windows, curtains ripped into piles on the floor.

“Holy shit.” Calum could see Luke mouth, sound drowned out by the TV changing to the next title. His eyes were watering up with worry. Motioning him to stay put, Calum leapt his way to the broken couch table. The silence was eerie when he had finally found the remote and turned the music off.

“Michael?” Luke called out tentatively. He looked tiny in the over-sized door frame.

No answer.

“We should split up.” Calum suggested. “Start at the second floor.”

Luke nodded. Their steps resonated heavy on the polished wood of the stairwell. They arrived at the top, Calum turning left in the direction of the guest rooms, Luke right in the direction of the private ones. Calum had merely pressed down the handle of the second door when he heard Luke call out. It was his name, and then Michael’s, followed by an incoherent, half-muffled scream.

Calum ran, heart pounding against his rib cage. He found Luke crumbled on the doorstep of one of the bathrooms. Hands clasped over his ears, face buried in his knees, he was rocking back and forth.

“Luke!” Slithering to a halt, Calum crashed next to him. Cursing, he bopped up, pulling Luke’s hands of his face after. He wanted to ask what it was, what managed to petrify the blonde boy like this but then his gaze got caught by the door handle, got caught by dark red splatters of colour on white varnished wood. Feeling his stomach turn, he pulled a sobbing Luke against his chest and reached a hand out.


	5. Turquoise

Calum’s hand slipped right off the handle the first time he tried to press it down, fingers coating in red. Holding his breath, Calum pulled his hand back and frantically rubbed his fingertips over the palm of his hand, red smearing  into a dark shade of pink. That was when he noticed the stench, sharp and stinging, making his eyes water. It didn’t smell like iron

“It’s not blood.” Relief flooding his veins, he took in a breath. “Luke, it’s not blood. It’s dye, it’s - he dyed his hair. It’s hair dye.”

Immediately, Luke sat up, his hand flying to the handle as well.

“You’re right.” He breathed out, spreading the dye further, turning all blood red into darkest magenta. “You’re right.”

“Oh my god.” Calum pulled them both to their knees. He shook his head, relief edging a smile into his face. “We should have known that. The arsehole loves himself far too much to ever do something to himself.”

Luke gave an affirmative, small laugh, rubbing his eyes with the clean back of his hands. Then he finally pushed the handle down, pressing the door open with his foot. The bathroom itself was all black tiles and white facilities. Right in the middle of the empty, sunken bathtub, lay Michael, curled in like a baby, an empty bottle and his phone clutched to his chest.

“Michael!” Luke was on him within seconds, slumping down behind him and pulling him to his chest, caressing Michael’s wet and distinctively red hair, murmuring into his ear to wake him up as carefully as possible.

“Oh, Michael.” Calum sighed, taking in the rest of the bathroom. One of the mirrors above the basins was shattered, but apart from that the room seemed intact. All in all, Calum figured, the damages to the house were not the worse ones they had had.

By the time he had made his way over, Luke had managed to wake Michael up. The now red-haired boy was blinking hazily into the light, slurred words bubbling out of his mouth. He was reeking like a liquor store.

“It’s okay.” Carefully, Calum took the bottle and phone from him, putting the bottle on the rim of the tub before tapping Luke’s birthday into the number panel. The screen unlocked and opened to Michael’s e-mail account, latest e-mail still open.

“Another four months.” Michael mumbled. “Four months. I tried so hard, I tried and you- you took the admonition, I’m- He promised. He promised he would make it this time. He fucking promised.”

Calum read and his heart broke. “Fuck.”

“Fuck.” Michael echoed. Then he dissolved into sobs. When Calum looked up he could see Luke stare at the ceiling, silent tears slipping from his eyes, jaw clenching with anger. Then Luke buried his face in Michael’s hair, thin arms wrapping around the older boy’s chest. Calum took a deep breath before he locked Michael’s phone again and placed it next to the bottle.

 

When he had been younger, Calum's sister had often made fun of him, Luke and Michael for their co-dependency. But instead of being offended, Calum’s chest used to swell with pride every time she asked how their polyamory relationship was going, still did to this day. Calum was proud of the friendship he had with Luke and Michael. The three of them were a family, always had been, since that day in preschool when Michael had hit Calum on the arm and pointed at the scrawny new kid with the huge blue eyes that was crying in the corner because Parker Scott had stolen his spider-man glove - a fancy one at that, it could shoot real, sticky webs.

Calum and Michael's fathers, partners in business, had catered the friendship between their sons since birth and had certainly been delighted when the two of them happened to pick Andrew Hemmings's son as their third musketeer.

Calum remembered all the set up playdates and shared vacations. It weren’t bad memories. Calum was fond of nearly every memory he shared with Luke and Michael. How they had developed their own secret language, how they had managed to get rid off of every single nanny and clung to each other instead when the time-periods between visits from their parents turned into months. He himself hadn’t seen his own parents for nearly half a year, but that was okay. He knew they were just a phone call away. Not so with Michael.

All of their parents had spend an extraordinary amount of time teaching them that they were different than the other kids, that the money their families had made them better. Calum had been lucky, he had had Mali-Koa who had told him how to distinguish the lies from truths and keep a firm grip on reality, how to be a decent human being. Luke, forgotten next to his older, louder, not introverted brothers, had coped in his own unique way, had turned into the person he was now, and Michael…

Calum looked around, took in the chaos around them. Michael did this. He uttered this destructive scream for the affection he never would admit he craved.

It was unheard, always. Daryl Clifford hadn’t stepped a foot into this house for over two years, communicated solely via e-mail with his son, mostly introduced by a remittance advice to fix whatever mess Michael had made.

“It’ll be alright.” Calum said and joined his friends in the heap on the bathtub floor. Luke had already shifted around, so they could pressure Michael from both sides.

“We’re here.” Luke intertwined his fingers with Michael’s. “You don’t need him. We’re your family. We’re here.”

Calum could see Michael squeeze as he buried his face in the blonde boy’s chest.

“We’re here.” Calum confirmed, pressing his mouth to the back of Michael’s head. “We remain. Always.”

Michael didn’t answer but he didn’t need to. They had been through this before. They had gotten over it before. They remained.

*

It was already dark outside when Calum moved them all into Michael’s room. He left Luke to take care of Michael while he called the cleaning company. The lady on the other end of the line seemed mildly disgruntled to be called five minutes before closing time but promised to send a team the next day nonetheless.

After he had ended the call, Calum went to the kitchen and snatched one of the water bottles out of the fridge before he returned to Michael’s room. Luke and Michael were already bundled up under the covers, the older boy fast asleep while Luke was carding his fingers through his hair.

“They’re coming tomorrow and fix the place up.” Calum said as he slid under the covers, receiving an honest smile in return. He reciprocated it for only a moment, then he switched the lights off.

Luke’s confession was quiet in the dark. “I was really worried for a second.”

Calum snaked his arm over Michael’s torso between them, to pat the blonde boy’s arm.

“Yeah, me too.”

“You think he’ll be better tomorrow?”

“Isn’t he always?”

Luke didn’t give more than an affirmative hum so Calum allowed his eyes to flutter shut. It was mere minutes later that he fell asleep.

*

Calum stumbled into English class on Monday morning with a yawn that made his jaw crack. His sleep cycle was still fucked up from the weekend - one of the midfielders had thrown a big pre-season party - and he hadn’t gotten more than a few hours of sleep. That and his usual early morning wake up dream had efficiently precluded any higher brain functions for the day. Normally he would’ve skipped, but Luke, Michael and he had already taken the Friday off, watching TV all day at Luke’s while Michael’s house was getting fixed up.

This way, he walked to his seat in a near trance-like state, ignoring Michael poking him in the ribs out of fun. He was about to flop down onto his seat, when he caught sight of something in the corner of his eye.

Calum nearly had a heart attack when he fixed his gaze on the back row to find a very much awake Ashton, as in not sleeping. And not only that, Ashton was also looking at him, in a way that Calum could only describe as... not as detesting as usual. Calum’s stomach turned. He hadn’t seen the curly-haired boy since their fall out.

_"Leave and don’t fucking come back!"_

Ignoring whatever Luke and Michael were talking behind him, Calum sat down. Burying his head in the crook of his elbow, he tried to blend out their teacher’s voice as best as  possible. His efforts were disturbed however when he was jabbed in the ribs.

“What?” He asked Luke who was grinning at him like a cheshire cat, small ball of paper jammed between his thumb and index finger.

“For you.” He said before dropping the letter on his table and averting his attention back to the blackboard.

Calum grumbled, but picked up the paper nonetheless.

_Can we talk after class? - Ash_

Calum's mouth dripped ajar. Nearly ripping the paper apart in the process, he whirled around. Was Ashton serious?

His questioning gaze was met with an eyebrow raise, again not as detesting as usual. Lips pressing into a tight line, Calum turned back around, snatched a pen from Michael's table and scribbled his answer on the paper.

~~_Can we talk after class? - Ash_ ~~

_Fine, wait up for me. C x_

"Back to Ashton." He mumbled, nudging Luke in the side. Suppressing the urge to gauge Ashton’s reaction - oh god, had he really used a kissing smiley? - Calum dumped his head back onto his arm, pretending to listen to the speech their teacher was giving.

His heart was beating loudly by the time class was over and he trailed out of the room behind Luke and Michael.

“You coming, Cal?”

“No, I’m uh I’ll be catching up to you later.”

Michael looked at him strangely, but was soon pulled down the hallway by a whispering into his ear Luke. Shortly before they turned the corner, Michael spun around to stare at him and Calum felt his cheeks heat up. He know he’d get a proper inquisition once he would come home. Now, however, he had bigger problems at hand.

Apprehensively _smiling_ , curly-haired art geeks, for example, that were planting themselves in front of him right now, for example. The amount of time Calum needed to pry his eyes away from Ashton’s dimples was unhealthy, no doubt. The other boy’s hazel eyes were searching his eyes as Calum spoke. “So, what do you want to talk about?”

“I wanted to apologise.” Ashton’s voice was low and soft, tired, as always, but not sharp.

It caused Calum to nearly trip, even though he was standing on perfectly even ground. “What?”

“I wanted to apologise.” Ashton repeated, tiny crease appearing between his eyebrows. One, slender finger came up to trace the outline of his chin. And Calum wanted to kiss him so bad. This was getting ridiculous. He needed to do something. “I’ve been unrightfully mean to you and that on Thursday wasn’t really fair towards you, either, so I want to apologise. It wasn’t your fault and I kinda let my mood out on you that day, all the days, if I’m being honest. I’m sorry. Fresh start?”

Calum had to blink a couple of times. “You are sorry?”

A miniscule smile appeared on Ashton’s face as he nodded. Calum forgot how to breathe properly.

“Apology accepted.” He wheezed out, fighting to keep off the overzealous grin that was threatening to split his face in half. Ashton was sorry. Ashton wanted a fresh start. Ashton wanted a fresh start with Calum. Warmth bubbled up inside his chest, and Calum wanted to jump around and scream. It was definitely getting ridiculous. Not that he cared.

“Thank you.” Ashton’s shoulders relaxed as he reached a hand out. “Fresh start, then?”

“Yeah, mate.” Calum grinned and took it. Ashton’s fingers were cold against his skin. “Fresh start.”

 


	6. Lavender

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song cover mentioned is "Diamonds" by Josef Salvat. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Ashton was already at work when Calum walked into the studio on Thursday. The radio was blaring some unknown band with heavy guitar riffs and screamed lyrics. Calum would have scrunched up his nose at that, if it weren't for the fact that Ashton was jamming along. The kind of jamming along that involved belting out lyrics and dancing. Hypnotised, Calum watched Ashton bop his head to the music. His whole whole body moved in rhythm with the bass-line, fingers of the left hand playing the guitar riffs while he continued sketching with the other. And even though Calum couldn't decipher any word the other was sung, he could tell that Ashton's voice was actually really good.

"Should play in a band." He mumbled, words drowned out by the music.

Calum didn't know how long he stood there and ogled, waiting for Ashton to turn around and notice him. He kind of wished the other boy never would.

Of course his wish wasn't granted. In a dramatic scream, the song ended and Ashton spun around once, stopping mid-way and toppling a few steps to the side when his eyes landed on Calum. The brush he had been holding clattered to the ground, casting grey splatters on the blue linoleum floor.

"Oh my god." Calum could see him mouth. Ashton's face was getting redder by the second until he looked like he was on fire, hands coming up to frantically stroke some curls into his eyes. A huge grin spread over Calum’s face, as he recognised the first tunes of the new song that started playing. Recklessly, he jumped on top of the table Ashton was standing next to.

"Uptown girl!" He belted. Calum was not that great of a singer, not like Mali was, but his voice was decent enough to pull this off. "She's been living in her uptown world. I bet she's never had a backstreet guy." Calum threw his hand in the air and pointed at himself. Ashton's mouth dropped open. "I bet her mama never told her why." Theatrically, he did the worst dance move he could think of, sinking to his knees. “I'm gonna try for an uptown girl. And now she's looking for a downtown man. That's what I am”

He patted himself on the shoulder and, finally, Ashton burst out laughing. Calum beamed and jumped up. He did a half-hearted pirouette and continued to sing his heart out. "You know I’m in love with an uptown girl! "  

Ashton laughing was probably the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. It was breath-taking, really, the way Ashton's eyes crinkled and his dimples became too deep to see the bottom of them. Ashton’s eyes shone like galaxies as he threw his head back.

"She'll understand what kind of guy I've been. And then I'll win." Taking advantage of the lyrics, Calum jumped down and danced a circle around Ashton. And then the curly-haired boy joined in.

"And when she’s walking." They growled out together, doing overly dramatic hand gestures towards each other. Calum was in front of Ashton now, moving steadily towards him with every verse. Ashton was so close to him. He was looking up at Calum from under the brim of his glasses, his lips moving in sync with Calum's, hazel eyes bright with joy. Calum was definitely crowding in his space, but he didn't budge, just continued to dance until Calum was too close and Ashton would've hit him otherwise.

"She my uptown girl. You know I’m in love. With an uptown girl." Westlife's voices were the only ones that sung anymore. Calum held his breath, as Ashton searched his eyes, arms falling to his sides.

It would be so easy to kiss him like this, just bridge the last of space between them and push his fingers in that mess of curls, pull Ashton closer and slot their mouths together.

"My uptown girl." The song ended and was replaced by some hip-hop fest.

Ashton turned away. All air rushed out of Calum's lungs as the curly-haired boy's shoulder bumped into his chest in the process. Calum's skin burned even through the fabric of his team hoodie, where the sharp end of Ashton's collarbone touched his sternum. Fighting for any kind of composure, he watched Ashton's back as the other boy trudged over to the radio. He rubbed a hand over his face while Ashton turned the music down a couple of notches.

It were his usual paint brush and a can of midnight blue shoved into his face that made him look up.

"We should get to work." Ashton's smile was soft. The circles under his eyes were a lot less prominent today, Calum noticed.

Reciprocating the smile, he took the utensils and followed Ashton to the banner.

Calum was halfway through his current piece of night sky when Ashton began humming along to some slow, deep song, Calum noticed as a male cover of Diamonds a moment later. Relieved that he knew the lyrics, he joined in. A small smile appeared on Ashton’s lips, his gaze staying glued to the banner. Grinning like an idiot, Calum turned back as well, the both of them quietly singing along while they worked.

*

"No, not like that."

Bandana-tamed curls bouncing, Ashton shook his head and put his pencil down from where he was finishing the last part of the pre-sketch. Calum lowered the paint brush he had been using for the past minutes to colour in the middle range of the sky and looked bashfully at the other boy while he was walking over. It was Thursday afternoon a few weeks later. Rain and hail was pelting against the wide windows of the studio, heating blubbering on in the background.

“You have to do it like this.” Ashton came up behind him, perched his chin on Calum’s shoulder and encircled Calum’s wrist with his hand, guiding it into the motions he was explaining. “Flick your wrist a little, let the colours blur in. It’s supposed to be the night sky, not a bunch of dark blue bars. Got it?”

Ashton’s tone of voice was soft, maybe a hint patronisingly, but Calum couldn’t have cared less. Ashton was touching - _holy shit, Ashton was touching him_. His knees were bumping into Calum’s calves and his hair was tickling Calum’s cheek and they were practically holding hands. Well, not really, but it still counted, in Calum’s mind. And there was the smell. Ashton smelled so good, like acrylic paint and laundry detergent and boy. Calum wanted to wake up to that scent rubbed into his pillows in the morning. Which - okay, so he was definitely still sporting the biggest crush. And he still hadn’t done anything about it which Mali had already scolded him about thoroughly, thank you.

Inconspicuously, he inhaled through his mouth, greedily sucking in as much of the scent as he could before Ashton would step away. Which he still hadn’t done. It was when Calum slightly turned his head that he noticed the other boy was looking at him, eyebrows raised expectantly. Ah, right, he had asked something.

“Got it.” Calum confirmed, not letting the slight sting of disappointment show on his face when Ashton let him go.

“I have to say, you’re getting better at this.”

Calum felt his cheeks heat up. God, if his friends could see him now, Michael would throw food at him. He, Calum Hood, blushing like a elementary school girl because an art geek had complimented him. But Calum felt he had the right to. Because said art geek was Ashton Irwin, and Ashton Irwin was all kinds of amazing and they kind of, maybe, were friends at this point. At least Ashton was nice to him and they smiled at each other, sometimes, like right now.

“Thank you.”

Ashton giggled and Calum was in love with him. “I’m serious. I remember having to show you how to draw a straight line.”

“Do you wanna come to mine tonight?” And, wow, okay that had even surprised Calum himself. Not to mention the fact that that had sounded... “I mean-” He quickly backtracked. “I mean for dinner. I cook?”

Ashton stared at him for a good two seconds, mouth still open from where Calum had cut off his answer. Eventually, he raised a finger to some sleep out of the corner of his eye and shrugged. “Sure, why not.”

“Sure?” Calum desperately needed to find his cool. He cleared his throat. “I mean sure, yeah, cool.”

“Cool.”

Ashton got back to painting and Calum got back to, well… “Uhm, I’m gonna run to the bathroom real quick, yeah?”

Ashton didn’t give more than an affirmative hum, focus back on his work.

Once Calum was outside of the studio, in the adjacent classroom, he pulled out his phone.

“Cal?”

“Hey, do you have some time?”

“Sure.” Calum could hear Michael pause whatever video game he was playing right now. Something involving gunshots and 80s rock, apparently. “What’s up?”

“Pick up Lukey and drive to the supermarket.”

“What?”

“Don’t, uhm…” Calum had no time to explain this. “Don’t ask. Just do it. I need food. Like stuff you can cook. Vegetables and shit. Just tell Luke, he’ll know.” God, Calum hoped so.

“Alright, gotcha.” Michael sounded thoroughly unbothered.

“Thanks, you’re my hero.”

“You suck ass.”

“Love you, too.”

“Bye!” Michael made an obscene kissing noise at the other end, then the line went dead.


	7. Petrol

 

"Oh shit, oh shit!"

Screaming, they ran the short gravel way from the garage to the front door of Calum's house. Laughing like mad, Calum threw the door shut behind them, shaking himself like a dog to get all the hail off of him.

"Fuck, fuck." Hearing Ashton swear shouldn't have been as endearing to Calum as it was. It really shouldn't have been. Helplessly mesmerised, Calum watched the older boy shake out his curls. His glasses were fogged up when Ashton looked back at Calum, tiny droplets of water dripping from his curls on the marble flooring. Calum couldn't help but crack up at the sight. It was either that or ravishing Ashton right then and there.

"What?" Ashton furrowed his brows, smile still playing on his lips.

"Nothing, nothing. You can give me your jacket, I'll put it in the dryer for you.” Quickly, he shimmied out of his hoodie and and kicked off his shoes. “Along with these."

Calum didn't know what about that sentence made Ashton's face go lax. He couldn't see Ashton's eyes.

"If- if that's alright?"

A moment later, Ashton seemed to have shaken himself out of it. "Yeah, sure, sorry." He shrugged out of his jacket, smiling again when he handed it over. Relieved, Calum took it.

"Alright, I'll be right back. Make yourself at home!"

On a second thought, Calum should've known that there would be a slight problem with him sending Ashton through his house alone. His heart sank when he walked into the kitchen, busy rightening the hood of his fresh sweatshirt, to find Ashton backed up against the fridge, Michael as well as Luke towering over him. Ashton’s face was distorted into an unimpressed mask, but Calum could see the slight tremble to his hands, not completely hidden by his sweater paws.

Calum couldn’t blame him. Where Luke was silently disconcerting, pinning someone down and ripping them apart solely with his eyes if he wanted to, Michael was openly threatening when he planted himself in front of someone, the dyed hair - currently a faded green -, bared teeth and all black everything giving him an almost devilish look. Not that Michael needed it. He had become infamous in ninth grade when the incident had happened - (the school had labelled it that after a donation by Mr Clifford generous enough to finance the renovation of the school’s library). Since then everyone knew better than to get into Michael’s way, even the teachers.

“Hey!” Three heads turned to look at him. Calum didn’t miss the flash of relief that flickered over Ashton’s eyes before he carved his expression back into something neutral.

It was Michael who opened his mouth first. “Calum!” He pointed at Ashton who raised his eyebrows at the gesture. “This one wandered into the kitchen two minutes ago?”

“I invited him for dinner.” Calum positioned himself half in front of Ashton, causing Michael and Luke who had his elbow perched on Michael’s shoulder in a restraining manner Calum would make sure to thank him for later, to back a few steps away. Calum felt Ashton exhale against his neck. “This is Ashton.”

“The art freak?” Michael asked, his stance not necessarily relaxing. Oh, right. The last thing Michael and Luke knew was that Ashton had treated Calum like shit.

“Michael.” Calum scolded at the same time Ashton snorted. “Well, fuck you too, basket case.”

“The potatoes are over-boiling.” Luke said. They all looked towards the stove. The kitchen itself was a mess. Both counters and the island in the middle were covered in either groceries, empty paper wrappings or used cutting boards. And indeed, hot water was bubbling out of the biggest pot on the stove rapidly.

“Fuck.” Calum cursed. “Luke?”

“At it.” The blonde boy lilted, already halfway at the stove. Michael was about to follow him, but Calum pulled him back by the shoulder.

“We’ll be right back.” Calum told no one in particular and dragged Michael into the hallway that lead along the outer wall of the house as to reach all the rooms.

“What the-” Michael started once Calum had slid the milk glass door close behind them, but Calum didn’t let him finish. He said the most important thing first. “Be nice to Ashton.”

Michael’s eyebrows nearly reached his hairline. They stared at each other like this for a few seconds, Calum with his arms crossed in front of his chest, Michael’s expression slowly melting into a frown.

“Why?” The green-haired boy asked eventually. “He’s a nerd.”

“Uhm…” Calum felt his heart flutter. Fuck it, he might as well. “I like him.”

Michael narrowed his eyes. “You like him?”

“Yeah, I like… I like like him. Like I am…” Calum let out a frustrated grunt.

“Oh my god.” Michael said, his eyes widening. “Oh my god.”

Calum felt his stomach drop. He knew Michael wasn’t homophobic, Luke’s coming out in eighth grade had proven that, but Luke was Luke. Maybe Michael would have a problem with Calum having fallen for a guy because Calum was supposed to be straight, he was captain of the football team and… Michael burst into laughter.

“I can’t believe this.” The green-haired boy wheezed out in between breaths. “This is so High School Musical.”

“What?”

“You’ve got a crush on the art freak.” Michael wiped the remnants of laughter tears out of his eyes.

“Yeah, and?” Calum tilted his chin upwards.

“And nothing.” Michael shrugged. “Sucks for you because you don’t know if he’s into dick. Wait a minute - did you actually think I would be mad at you?” Calum winced when Michael punched him on the arm. “Fuck you, Cal, seriously. You know I’d set the whole world on fire for you and Lukey. As if a little same-sex attraction would bother me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You should be.” Michael sniffed mock-offended before pulling him into a hug. Calum felt the rest of tension leave his shoulder as he buried his face in the black henley Michael was wearing. It smelt like home to him, like his brother. “You don’t lie to your family. Speaking of which... does Luke know?”

“Nope.”

Michael smiled, content. “Good, I would’ve been pissed if you would have told him but not me. Even though I think he probably knows already.”

“Yeah, probably.” Calum’s head was still spinning from how smooth this had gone down.

“Great. Now anything else you have to confess or can we go back? I don’t like Lukey being alone in the kitchen.”

"No, I'm-" Calum smiled, planting a sloppy kiss on Michael's cheek that made the other boy shove him into the wall. "I'm fine. Thank you.”

“I’m a little bit offended, honestly.” Michael grumbled, but Calum could see the happy twitch to his mouth.

“I’m sorry.” He said again. “Love you?”

“Suck-up.” Michael sighed. “And too. Now let’s get the art fr- I mean Ashton to join in the fun and suck your dick.”

“Michael.”

“Alright, alright, calm down, I promise I’m gonna play nice.”

“Thank you.”

“Always.” Smiling so sweetly that it came off as creepy, Michael slid the door back open. In the kitchen Luke was busy flipping some kind of poultry in a pan filled with sizzling oil, while Ashton stood next to the kitchen island, cutting up tomatoes.

“Smells great, Lukey.” Michael commented, popping a stray piece of cucumber in his mouth as he positioned himself behind the blonde boy to look over his shoulder. Calum averted his gaze from Luke’s beaming face to focus on not actually running into Ashton as he came to a halt next to him.

“Hey.” He said, cautiously. He had no idea how Ashton was feeling right now.

“Hey.” Ashton answered in the exact same tone of voice. His hazel eyes didn’t move from where his hand was flying over the cutting board, knife dicing tomatoes at a speed that made Calum’s heart clench out of fear for Ashton’s fingers.

To keep his hand from reaching out and wrench the knife out of Ashton’s hand, he rubbed the back of his head instead. “I’m sorry about earlier. They’re not used to me inviting other people for dinner.”

“Yeah, I figured as much.” Ashton’s tone had been supposed to be dry, Calum was sure, but he could hear the warmth underneath. It told Calum that they were okay. Grinning to himself, he shoveled a heap off something green and aromatic smelling onto his own cutting board.

“This looks suspiciously like grass.” He whispered loud enough for Ashton to hear.

“That’s parsley.” Ashton looked up at him, hazel eyes bright with joy. “I thought you cook?”

Well, shit. “Uhm…”

“He lied.” Luke supplied from where he had walked over to retrieve a mixing bowl filled with a creamy brown liquid. “I do the cooking. Calum does the dessert. You should try it. Mean creme brulee. It’s already in the oven.” Luke pointed an oven mitt clad hand at the oven where half a dozen white porcelain bowls were roasting.

“You did that?” Ashton seemed impressed.

Calum shrugged, plastering an innocent grin on his face. “Yeah, I love creme uh brulee.”

“Cool.” Ashton got back to cutting and Calum blew Luke a silent kiss that the other boy answered with a sly smile.

It was easy after that. Calum managed to make Ashton giggle twice and smile so often that he eventually lost count while they finished cutting the vegetables for Luke to use. After that the blond-haired boy shooed them away out of the kitchen. Calum settled on showing Ashton his room while Michael set up the table.

Ashton grew weirdly silent as he surveyed Calum’s room, his smile faltering significantly. Feeling a tad self-conscious, Calum looked around. His room was all dark parquet and light grey walls, minimalistic furniture, no decoration. The vitreous backwall allowing sight into the garden was decoration enough, his mother had always said.

After a whole minute had passed, Calum eventually spoke up. “Is- is everything alright, I mean?”

Slowly, Ashton tilted his head towards him. “Calum?”

“Yes?” Nervously, Calum wiped his hands on his sweatpants.

“Is that.” The curly-haired boy pointed to the middle of the room. “Is that a sunken bed?”

“Uhm…” All air was pressed out of Calum’s lungs as he was pulled across the room and pushed down. A small grunt escaped him as his arse landed on the mattress with a small bounce. Calum couldn’t really be bothered to care though, when he heard Ashton giggle next to him. Sprawled out like a starfish, the other boy lay next to him, sending a blissful moan in the direction of the ceiling. Which, okay, no. Calum look down at his crotch. This was really not the time.

“This is heaven.” Ashton hummed, his eyes fluttering shut. He flailed with his arms a bit. “Must be nice to be rich.”

“My father is rich.” Calum corrected him, automatically. He was used to comments like that.

“It wasn’t meant in a condescending way.” Ashton sat up, propping himself up on his elbows. “You’re not at fault for the life you’ve been born into. None of us is.”

Calum blinked at him. Something inside him melted and poured over his intestines. An honest smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Thank you, that’s really… thank you.”

Calum couldn’t name it, but something in the air changed. Suddenly there was so much tension. Tension between Calum and the boy next to him, a whirring electricity deep in his veins, making him lean forward. He couldn’t look away from Ashton’s mouth. And he should be able to, he had pulled himself together a countless amount of times. But this was different. This was Ashton sprawled out on Calum’s bed, loosely knit sweater revealing sight of his collar bones and toned skin beneath. Skin Calum longed to touch, trace with his tongue. He felt the pull in his chest again, physically, painful, pulling him towards the other boy.

Ashton looked up at him through those damn glasses, blinking slowly, lips slightly ajar. Calum needed to know what they tasted like. It was so easy to lean forward. The palm of his hand burned where his skin touched Ashton’s as he cupped the older boy’s cheek. The intake of air Ashton took was low and sharp, but he didn’t flinch away. Calum gauged every minimal reaction the other boy was giving him. There was no sign of retreat. Ashton, _holy shit_ , Ashton was giving him permission. Calum’s eyes fluttered shut when he felt Ashton’s breath ghost over the corner of his mouth. Then their lips met.


	8. Ruby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, school exhausted me. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Time, Calum figured, went slower with Ashton's lips pressed against his. Everything was incredibly intense to him in that moment, the chapped state of Ashton’s unmoving lips, the small noise that escaped him, quickly dropping into a hum. Calum’s heart was pounding loudly, racing a million miles an hour. Ashton still wasn’t moving.

Fuck it, Calum thought. If this was the only time he got to do this, he had to made it worthwhile. Rolling himself completely on top of the other boy, he pushed his hands into Ashton’s still damp curls, tugging at them a little bit as he nudged his mouth open with his tongue.

Ashton tasted so good. Like rain and coffee and something sweet Calum couldn’t name. Almost desperately - he knew that, but couldn't care - Calum let his tongue slip into the other boy's mouth. Finally, Ashton reacted. A low groan escaped him as he parted his mouth farther, let their tongues glide against each other, kissing Calum back. Ashton kissed him back. Grinning, Calum pulled away, inhaling deeply. Ashton's eyes were closed, opening slowly at the loss of contact into an expression that was partially stunned, partially something Calum couldn't decipher.

He hoped it was good. He hoped it meant that Calum was allowed to do that again. A slight shiver went through his body when Ashton lifted his hand to bury it in the longer hair at the back of Calum's head. Without a warning, Ashton pulled him down, slotting their mouths back together for only a couple of seconds. Calum whined when he was yanked up by his hair again, just away enough from Ashton's mouth that they couldn't kiss.

“You express your gratitude very well.” Ashton murmured against his lips and Calum couldn’t help but laugh because Ashton had kissed him. Meeting the other boy's eyes, savouring the wonder and happiness in them, he dipped back down. Ashton’s hand dropped from his hair to curl around his neck.

It was then that they were interrupted by noise. Calum was about ready to leap off the bed and strangle whoever of his friends dared to interrupt them, when he realised the noise wasn't human but a song, a semi-familiar screamo fest, sounding from tinny speakers.

"Shit!"

Calum let out a wheeze when Ashton pushed him off of him without so much as being gentle. The next second Ashton was upright, standing in the middle of Calum’s room, his phone pressed against his ear. There was no wonder in his eyes left, galaxies disappearing behind dark clouds of tiredness. In the blink of an eye, Ashton looked like he hadn't slept for days again. Calum didn't like that. He wanted to yell at whoever was on the other end of the line.

"I'm here, I'm here." Ashton wheezed into the speaker. He was a little out of breath and Calum smiled because he was responsible for that. Calum’s face fell, though, when Ashton crouched down in the next moment, frantically running his hand through his curls. “No, no, fuck, fuck! Yes, no, of course! Do it, do it right now! Yes, you have! I’ll be there as soon as possible! In any case, do that! Yes, I’m sure. No that didn’t work. Try the other… yes, that. I will be there soon. No, I know. Yes, thank you. Thank you so much. I’m on my way! Bye.”

A thousand questions popped up into Calum’s mind all at once as he watched the other boy stand up, but he didn’t get the chance to ask one of them. The change was hard, no transition. Ashtons was shaking as he turned towards Calum, the hand that pocketed his phone trembling. Hastily, Calum scrambled to his feet, bridging the space between them and taking Ashton’s hand.

“Are you okay?” He asked. Ashton’s pupils were dilated when he looked up at Calum, gaze not focussing. The older boy looked like a deer in the headlights. Frightened, Calum’s brain supplied. His stomach churned at the thought.

“I have to go.” Ashton’s voice was dull, barely louder than a whisper. Pulling his hand out of Calum’s grip, he stumbled towards the door.

“Ashton!” The other boy had already reached the door by the time Calum had caught up with him. In lack of a better idea, Calum spun him back around by his shoulder. “Wait up! What’s wrong?”

Ashton shook his head, shook Calum’s hand off his shoulder. “Sorry, I’m sorry, I need to go.”

Ashton reached for the handle.

“Ashton, you can’t go.” Calum cut him off before the hazel-eyed boy could protest. “I drove us here, remember?”

“Fuck.” The panicked glint in Ashton’s eyes smouldered to something bigger. “No, no, no.”

Calum wasn’t sure Ashton even realised he was hitting Calum’s arm, repeatedly. Calum swallowed. Ashton’s freaked out state started to freak _him_ out.

“Ashton!” Calum caught the other boy’s hand and gaze. “It’s alright.”

Somehow that seemed to tick Ashton off. Suddenly he was angry, pushing against Calum’s chest. “No, no, it’s not! Don’t you understand? I have to be there! I have to, I promised. t can’t be tonight. I’m not ready. I’m not there. I-”

Ashton dissolved into sobs and Calum’s heart broke. As beautiful as a happy Ashton was, a crying one could just as easily tear one’s soul apart. He had not a single clue what was going on, but he knew there wasn’t a single thing he wouldn’t do to have Ashton happy again, or at least pull him out of his upset state.

“Shh, shh, fuck stop crying, Ashton, please. I’m going to drive you, yeah? Just tell me where to and I’m going to get you there, alright? It will be alright.”

Some of the panic smothered. The other boy didn’t manage more than a nod nonetheless. Calum took a deep breath, then moved, pulled Ashton out of the room and down the hallway. Ashton let him do so without any resistance.

Michael and Luke were busy placing bowls on the table when they walked back into the open living area.

“Hey, guys, food’s-” Luke stopped mid-sentence, his brows scrunching together.

Michael needed a moment longer. “Woah, everything alright?”

“Cherokee or Porsche?” Calum asked, holding Ashton upright by his upper arm.

“Porsche.” Michael blinked.

“Keys?”

The time Michael needed fishing for them in his pocket, Calum spent conversing with Luke through their eyes. Finally, Michael handed the the keys over.

“Thank you.” Was all Calum mouthed, then he dragged Ashton out the front door. It was still hailing outside, but Calum didn’t even feel the cold. Everything in him was reluctant to let Ashton go, even for the short way to the other side of the car. It felt like Calum could only properly breathe again once the other boy was buckled in beside him. The inside of the car smelled like leather, money and soccer gear, polished interior lighting up in a fancy white glow as Calum pulled the driver’s door shut. The engine came to life with a low purr. Shifting gears into reverse, Calum steered the car off his driveway and onto the streets.

“Where to?”

“City.” Ashton managed. “Drive to the city centre.”

Calum obliged, shifting gears in quick succession as he pressed the gas pedal down. That was why he had taken Michael’s car. The Porsche was faster, lights and shadows flying past the side windows in a blur as he raced them out of the suburbs in record time. Mercilessly Calum took over every single car that managed to get in their way, while Ashton calmed himself down next to him. The radio was barely loud enough to drown out the smaller boy’s breathing exercises. Calum wasn’t familiar with the technique, it seemed to work though. By the time they entered the central district, Ashton was quiet, nothing more than the occasional hiccup escaping him from time to time.

“Here right.”

Calum slammed down the indicator, running a yellow light at the last second as he crossed the intersection.

“Til the end of the street and then left.”

Ashton’s instruction lead them onto some kind of parking lot. Calum’s eyes took a few blinks to adjust to the dim lighting, puddles on the asphalt glistening in the weak orange light of the lanterns. There were a few cars occupying the spots around them.

“Okay, stop.”

Calum slammed the brakes, shifting several gears back into the first one at once. They tyres hadn’t fully come to a screeching halt when Ashton was already unbuckling himself, pushing the door open with a swift flick of his wrist and kick of his foot.

“Ashton!” Calum called out as it seemed the other boy would just leave. He didn’t. Suddenly, Ashton was back in the car, kneeling sideways on the passenger seat, pressing his lips to Calum’s.

“Thank you.” Calum’s skin tingled, where Ashton rasped his knuckles over his cheek. “Thank you so much.”

Before Calum had a chance to answer, Ashton was out of the car - for good this time. Calum watched his small, slender silhouette skip over the puddles towards the well-lit entrance of the building they were in front of.

“You’re welcome.” Calum told the empty, heavy air in the car. Then he made the mistake of letting his gaze wander higher along the building, higher until his gaze was caught by a bright, illuminated panel. Oh no. Calum’s heart stopped. _No._ This wasn’t true. _St. Mary’s Palliative Care Unit._ Feeling his throat close up and his jaw clench, Calum buried his fingers in his hair, pulling at the raven strands until the sharp sting made his eyes water up, let the letters blur in front of his eyes. _No._


	9. Onyx

The next Monday, Ashton was missing. There was nobody occupying the corner seat in the back of the English classroom, no mass of curls, peachy skin and over-generous amount of fabric teasing Calum out of the corner of his eye. Calum was only mildly disappointed. Okay, Calum was a lot disappointed. But he had prepared himself, tried to at least. Because there was also nobody answering the thirty-seven text messages he had send, nobody had picked up the eight times he had called. That night at Pizza Hut, he threw his pizza in the trash halfway through.

*

By Wednesday, Calum was worried sick and a whole lot angry. Desperation had driven him to desperate measures and he had spent the past thirty minutes on hold, trying to reach somebody at the St. Mary’s hospital, just to be hung up on, the moment they had figured out he was trying to access personal information. The same thing had happened to him at the student’s office yesterday.

“Fucking, bitch.” He muttered and threw his phone on the tabletop, missing Michael’s ear for only a few centimetres. The green-haired boy was sprawled out on their usual table, emptying a bag of crisps into his mouth while Luke was roaming the shelves enclosing them, turning around at the clattering sound Calum’s phone produced.

“Didn’t work?” He asked, his tone soothing enough that Calum managed to unclench his jaw.

He shook his head.

“ _Oh, so you’re not a relative then? In this case, I’m sorry_.” He mocked the receptionist he had talked to.

“Cunt.” Michael supplied through a mouthful of crisps.

“Don’t use that word.” Luke scolded lowly, brows furrowing.

Michael frowned, but sighed eventually. “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

The blonde boy trudged over to them and sat down on the tabletop, turning his torso sideways so he was able to look at Calum who was sitting at the end of the table. Carding his fingers through Michael’s hair, Luke asked. “Ashton answered yet?”

“Nope.” Calum placed his elbows on the table top. “Don’t think he will, either. I mean, I get it, yeah? I dropped him off at the hospital, so something’s wrong, like dead-serious wrong. I just don’t know how I am supposed to help him if he shuts me out.”

“Don’t beat yourself up like that, Cal.” Michael sounded positively annoyed as he rolled onto his stomach. “You kissed like - what - twice? It’s not your obligation to take care of him. I mean you barely even know him, you said that yourself.”

“Yeah, but-”

“No.” Michael cut him off. “This fucker has been dragging you down for months and the moment you actually get something back he vanishes? Look at yourself, Cal. You’re miserable. Lord knows I would’ve annihilated that curly-haired prick a long time ago if it weren’t for your crush on him.”

“Michael.”

“What? Don’t pretend I’m not right. You used to not give a fuck about anything except for me and Lukey and now you walk around school like a lovesick puppy? Pathetic!”

There was something in Michael’s expression, Calum needed a few moments to place it. It didn’t cease his anger though. Michael had never known when to stop and right now Calum was too tired, his nerves too strained already, to respect that.

“Pathetic, huh?” He jumped up, chair falling to the ground behind him. Michael was on his feet within seconds as well, staring down at him from his position on the table for only a moment before he jumped to the ground, landing smoothly on his feet. They stood almost chest to chest. Calum wouldn’t yield. Not this time. Gritting his teeth, he set his own eyes ablaze as Michael narrowed his.

“Guys.” That was Luke. Calum was sorry for causing him distress, he really was. Luke didn’t deal well with drama on the normal and this was drama among the three of them, something that had happened last such a long time ago, Calum couldn’t remember it. But he couldn’t give in and let Michael win this.

“Go on, tell me how pathetic I am. I’m a lovesick puppy, huh? You know I think that’s funny. At least I’m the one actually doing something about my crush.” It was a low blow. It really was. Michael hadn’t known that Calum knew, the raven-haired boy was aware of that. Although it was beyond Calum how anybodycould be that blind, how _he_ could be that blind.

Anger still rising in his chest, he felt nothing but satisfaction as he watched Michael’s face crumble, watched the boy himself stumble back as if Calum would’ve hit him. Which he had, in a way.

Calum counted the seconds in his head, watched as the green-haired boy fishmouthed at him. At the fifth second, he turned around with a huff. “Thought so.”

Ignoring the pitiful “Calum!” Luke threw after him, Calum stomped out of their refuge.

*

Waking up the next day was excruciating. By the seventh  time, Calum threw his alarm clock against the wall. The decision was easy. He couldn’t be arsed to get out of bed today. A quick glance at his phone told that none of the texts waiting for him were from Ashton.

“Whatever.” He told his pillow. By now, he could write the signature of his parents better than his own anyways. Calum had to, afterall. Rolling onto his stomach, he pulled the duvet over his head and fell back asleep.

*

There was a constant stream of air hitting his neck, the next time Calum woke up. Groaning, he pried his eyes open, just to find that he wasn’t able to move. Calum was jammed, sandwiched from two sides.

“Guys.”

“Mhm.”

In vain, Calum tried to raise his hand to rub it over his face. It was buried underneath shirt fabric and human body. “Guys, I mean it. A little bit of breathing space, please.”

“Nope.” Michael said, throwing his leg over Calum’s thighs in addition to the curled in state of his body into Calum’s side. Luke gave an affirmative hum from Calum’s other side, where he had pillowed his head on Calum’s outstretched arm.

“You’re such a dumb idiot, Cal. Actually thinking you could escape the aftermath of what you’ve done by skipping school. Pff.” Michael huffed.

“How dumb of me, indeed.” Calum mumbled, the sarcastic undertone getting lost to a yawn that made his jaw crack. “Get off of me now nonetheless?”

“Nuhuh.” Luke sat up, propped himself up on his elbow. “You two need to talk first.”

Upon Calum’s annoyed glance, Luke pouted. “Do it.”

“I won’t-”

“Tell Michael you love him.” Luke demanded, more forcefully.

“Absolutely _not_.”

“Oh, honey.” Michael clutched a hand to his heart. “I’m hurt.”

“I hate you. Both of you. So much. I’m gonna pee on everything you love.” Right now, Calum thought, he would be able to if his friends weren’t getting off him soon.

“Fine, then you start, Michael.”

Calum didn’t need to force his eyes open to see the silent argument his friends were having above his head. Michael lost, of course he did.

“Alright, alright.” A low wheeze escaped Calum’s lips as his face was squished by Michael’s hands. Shaking Calum a little bit for good measure, the green-haired boy exclaimed. “I’m sorry! I’m a jealous motherfucker and I’m sorry. I don’t like the art freak because you’re not allowed to love him more than us.” Michael spoke the last sentence protruding his bottom lip like a child. Both of their gazes flicked to Luke who was watching the both of them with his thumb caught between his teeth. Calum’s attention was diverted back to Michael when the older boy increased the pressure on his cheeks. “We’re your family and he can’t just get in like this, especially when he treats you bad. It’s our job to protect you. I’m sorry, I called you pathetic. You’re not pathetic. You’re the best person ever and I love you like a lot.”

Calum waited a few moments, just to be dramatic. As soon as Michael was tensing above him, he rolled his eyes and sighed. “Fine. You shall be forgiven. Now off of me, or else I will actually pee on you.”

“Success!” Michael lilted, placing a wet, sloppy kiss on his cheeks before letting him go.

“Thank the lord.” Calum scrambled off the bed. His bladder was about to explode.

“Remember, shaking it off more than twice counts as masturbation!” Michael called after him.

Calum didn’t bother to flip him off.

*

There were people in Calum’s house. A lot of people, drunk people from school or not, clogging up the living room and hallways, even the kitchen. Well, of course the kitchen. That was were the liquor was.

“If we’re not allowed to protect your honour, we at least have the right to get you pissed.” Michael had explained to him. So, a house party at Calum’s. Great.

Calum hadn’t dared to look at the guest list. It wasn’t like he cared anyway. He had drunk every red solo cup of whatever beverage Michael had mixed him and was now pleasantly buzzed. He didn’t need conversation. He just needed bodies to move with his as he swayed in rhythm to the music. Eventually, he got tired of dancing. His blood alcohol level was coming dangerously close to soberness, so he made his way back into the kitchen. Luke was there, talking to a boy with the most impressive emo fringe Calum had ever seen and sharp blue eyes. Michael wasn’t far, standing leaned against the counter, occasionally taking swigs out of a purple bottle.

“Hey.” Calum announced his presence.

“Hey.” Michael pried his eyes away from the scene in front of them long enough to shoot Calum a smile. “You enjoying your party?”

The older boy’s words were slurred, his eyes slightly reddened in the bright ceiling light of the kitchen. Calum sighed internally. Michael was a binger. The first one to be pissed and the last one to get sober. His name was probably already on the list for the liver transplantation he would need with twenty-five.

“Sure.” Calum smiled, just to make his friend feel better. It worked though.

Michael lit up considerably. “Great. So you won’t kill me.”

“Kill you, why would-” Calum was cut off by Michael spinning him around by the shoulders, resting his chin on his shoulder as he pointed to the entrance of the kitchen. “Arrived two minutes ago.”

It hurt, physically. The past week Calum had thought about nothing else than seeing Ashton again, but now that he did, it killed him. Ashton was too bright, the way he stood in the doorway, gaze flicking around, smile etched into the corners of his mouth.

“Remember to use protection!” Michael chimed after him as Calum stumbled forward.

“Ashton.” The other boy’s eyes landed on him, even before Calum had said his name. Calum almost regretted it. Because the moment Ashton laid eyes on him, his face lit up and then he was there, in Calum’s space, thin arms wrapping around his neck, untamed curls tickling Calum’s temple. And it was so much, after a week of nothing. It knocked the air right out of Calum’s lungs, is what it did.

“Hi.” The other boy beamed at him as they pulled away.

“Hi.” Calum parroted, stunned by how opposing Ashton’s behaviour was in comparison to what he had expected. Ashton seemed so happy, ecstatic even, row of giggles escaping his lips as he pressed them against Calum’s.

"I missed you." Ashton cooed in his ear after he had broken the kiss.

"Uh... I missed you too." He blinked. "Ashton?"

"Yes?"

"What are you doing here? I mean, shouldn't you be in the hospital?"

Ashton's expression faltered for only a moment, before he shrugged. "Luke invited me."

"Did he, now?" Calum craned his head back to look at his friend, but found that not only Luke and Emo Fringe, but also Michael were nowhere to be seen.

"Yeah, he did. Nice of him."

"It was. So, where-"

And then Ashton was kissing him again. Reflexively, Calum parted his lips, electric jolts running up and down his spine as Ashton enveloped his face with his hands, their tongues sliding together. It was hard to form a coherent thought, when Ashton was kissing him like that. Calum tried, but in vain. He had dreamed of this too often to ruin it. There was still time to talk. Now however, all that mattered were Ashton’s lips and his hands curling in the nape of his neck.

“Fuck, Ash.” Heaving in a breath, Calum broke for air. He got lost, then, in the galaxies of Ashton’s eyes, Ashton’s taste on his tongue, his smell and the feeling of his skin underneath Calum’s fingers. The curly-haired boy laughed softly and like this Calum’s mind lost its pace and his body took over. Mesmerised, Calum let Ashton drag him out of the kitchen.


	10. Ivory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Boys touching other boys. The dirty version, the very dirty version. 
> 
> Merry christmas!

The moment Calum had locked the milk glass door to his room behind them, Ashton’s hands were tugging on the collar of his shirt. Calum pushed himself off the door and let Ashton drag the fabric over his head.

The older boy let out a low whistle, “Hell.”

Calum felt a slight blush creep up on his cheeks as Ashton devoured his upper body with his eyes, Ashton's pupils dilating in the weak light that fell in from the garden lanterns.

“Football," Calum shrugged. Ashton blinked, then pounced him.

"I should come to one of your games some time then," the curly-haired boy muttered against his neck, grazing his teeth over the sensitive spot beneath Calum's earlobe, coaxing a moan out of him. Ashton's hands were roaming over his back, scratching his skin in a way that made Calum shudder and his blood rush downwards.

"You should," he panted.

Arms wrapped around each other, they stumbled towards the mattress part of Calum's floor. Calum barely managed to shimmy out of his jeans before Ashton pushed him down, straddled his hips a moment later.

It had always been a thing Calum had wondered, how Ashton looked underneath his clothes. The answer was good. With half-lidded eyes, Calum traced his fingertips over Ashton's bare torso, felt the bumps and ripples of Ashton's muscles. It were muscles of the kind that came from the absence of fat, not training. Ashton was a tad too skinny for Calum’s liking, but he knew to keep his mouth shut. Ashton was still the most beautiful thing Calum had ever seen, a naked Ashton more so.

“Oh my god.”

A low groan made its way up Calum’s throat when Ashton began to rut his hips, nothing but two layers of boxer briefs separating their dicks. Calum was thankful for the pounding bass music that would overtone whatever noise they would make that night. He also knew that if he let Ashton work him up like that any further, this night would end a lot earlier than he intended it to.

Getting a good handful of caramel-coloured curls, Calum flipped them over. He took advantage of the fact that he was not only a few inches taller, but also a good thirty pounds of muscle mass heavier and pressed Ashton down with his body weight. Ashton gasped when Calum tilted the other boy’s head back, placed open-mouthed kisses on his throat.

“Can I?”

“Yes, yes!”

Grinning, Calum dipped down and sucked hard on a spot beneath Ashton’s adam’s apple. The action made Ashton’s hips buck up, his erection digging into Calum’s hip. “Oh my…”

Flailing, Ashton digged his nails into his shoulders, making Calum moan and increase the suction. Once he was sure the skin would bruise, he let go. Calum admired his work for only a moment, then continued to let his mouth travel down further. He was determined to taste every inch of Ashton’s skin, now that it belonged to him.

"Do you have stuff?" Ashton's question came out breathless, slightly slurred. Without detaching his mouth from Ashton's stomach, Calum hummed. Blindly, he ran his hand under the abundance of pillows next to Ashton's head. After a short period of groping, his fingers closed around what he had been looking for. Discarding the condoms for now, he let go of Ashton to pop open the bottle of lube.

"Uhm." Sheepishly, Calum looked up at Ashton. "I kind of never have..."

Ashton blinked, then smiled softly, taking the bottle from his hands.

"It's okay. I can do it myself. You can watch me."

Feeling his eyes widen, Calum nodded. While Ashton squeezed a generous amount of lube on his fingers, Calum slid back on the sheets, settling into a cross-legged position at Ashton's feet. Calum hadn't thought it to be possible that he could be more turned on, yet the ache in his groin managed to get worse as he watched Ashton opening himself up. The other boy was careful at first, then, once he had two fingers in, Ashton's movements became more desperate. Calum's hand flew to his cock, hard and leaking, straining against his underwear. Moaning, Calum palmed himself through the fabric of his boxer briefs as he watched Ashton. Soon Ashton was bouncing down on his own hand, desperate little moans escaping his throat.

"Cal," he whined, making grabby hands at the raven-haired boy. Calum didn't need to be told twice. Cursing, he shed his underwear and kicked it off the bed. He was back on top of Ashton within seconds.

"Need you," the older boy whined into his mouth, slotting their mouths together. Calum tasted salt on Ashton's skin as he peppered sweet little kisses along the older boy's jaw.

"Now, Cal, please."

"Got you."

Calum was beyond ready. His cock was throbbing. Hitching Ashton's leg around his waist, Calum lined himself up and pushed into Ashton in one fluid motion.

"Fu- fuck, Calum.”

Overwhelmed, Calum stilled. He couldn’t close his mouth. The risk of him losing it, should he move the slightest, was too high.

“Cal, Calum," Ashton pleaded, beneath him. Calum’s weight was holding him in place. “Move, god, move, you can move. I’m ready.”

“I’m not.”

Their eyes locked, understanding appearing on Ashton’s face, “Oh.”

“Oh," Calum echoed. Suddenly his head was too heavy. Powerless, he let it drop into the crook of Ashton’s neck. Fingers appeared in his hair, mussing up the longer strands of his mohawk.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s really not.” Calum nipped at the skin stretching over the other boy’s collar bone.

“You know, we can stop, yeah?”

Maybe it was the thought of having to leave Ashton. Maybe it was the pure fact that Ashton cared about him, actually took his feelings into consideration for once. But as sudden as it had come, the feeling of utter overwhelmedness disappeared. All of a sudden, it was easy. There was no more being slow and sensual, no more consideration on Calum’s side. This was going to be feral.  

A low growl escaping his lips, Calum reached up, captured Ashton’s lips in a bruising kiss, snapping his hips up at the same time.

Ashton positively gasped, the unexpected movement making him flail, then grip onto Calum’s upper arms. “Fu- fuck, Calum.”

Calum didn’t answer, just forced Ashton’s mouth open instead. Everything in his mind was occupied by the tight, wet heat around his cock and the noises Ashton made as he thrusted into him again and again. Calum lost all feeling of time, there was nothing but Ashton.

After what felt like hours and seconds at the same time, Calum said, “I dreamt about this.”

“R-really?” Ashton whimpered.

Calum shifted slightly, groaned as he snapped his hips up in just the right angle. Ashton writhed underneath him, hands fisting into the sheets. Slowly but steadily Calum stepped up his pace. “Really. You are such a fucking tease, Ashton.”

“I-”

“Always so rude,” Calum detached their lips and nosed along the other boy’s jaw. “Always so beautiful. There is something about you, Ashton. It makes me itch. I can barely look at you without wanting to…” Calum groaned as Ashton clenched around him, the pressure on his throbbing cock nearly becoming unbearable, but Calum held back. He wanted Ashton to go first, wanted to be fully conscious when the other boy would come undone beneath him. “... ravish you.”

Ashton whined. “Fuck, can you - harder, I’m almost there. Harder, Calum, please.”

At this point, Calum was barely bottoming out, just slamming into Ashton's body over and over again, driving them both towards the edge.

"Calum!"

Hearing Ashton cry out his name as the smaller boy came, coated both of their stomachs with sticky liquid, was enough to blow Calum's mind. He pounded into Ashton once, twice, three times and then Calum tipped over the edge as well, waves of bliss coursing through his body as he felt Ashton clench around him, incredibly tight. Buried deep inside his boy, Calum lost it.

The moment Calum had pulled out, Ashton curled into his side. As soon as there was enough air in his lungs, Calum let out a breathless laugh. "Fuck that was..."

"I know."

Wincing as their hyper-sensitive cocks touched, Ashton rolled on top of him. Ashton grinned at him, eyes gleaming, and pecked him on the lips a couple of times. Right when Calum was about to lick into his mouth, Ashton rolled back off of him. Calum was already half passed out when he felt the other boy intertwine their fingers.

*

Calum had no idea how long he had been out when he woke up again. The walls were still quaking from the heavy bass line of the party going on in the rest of the house, few voices and screams managing to overtone the music. Rubbing a hand over his eyes, Calum sat up. Ashton beside him stirred. Calum waited until the other boy's breathing had evened out again before he carefully slid off the mattress. Retrieving his old clothes from the floor, he stumbled around the room for a bit. Afterwards he made his way over to the sliding door at the back of his room.

The cold night's air was soothing on his skin as he stepped onto the patio. Calum had made sure to lock all the doors to the inner garden, exactly for a moment like this, when he craved to be alone, craved some room to breathe. He hadn't taken two steps past the numerous plants his mother had chosen, however, when his peace was disturbed by voices. Familiar voices at that.

"What the fuck, dude!?"

Laughter, even though it was slurred. "Shut the fuck up, you insect, or I will crush you."

"Michael!"

 _Oh shit._ Hiding behind his sister's favourite rhododenron, Calum peered over the leaves, catching a glimpse at the pool area. There, at the edge of the pool, Michael was standing, Luke next to him, talking insistently to the green-haired boy. Michael didn't seem to listen. He was way too busy pinning Emo Fringe against one of the sandstone pillars carrying the vitreous roof, holding him up by his collar.

"Let go off me, you psycho!" Emo Fringe struggled to get free, in vain.

Michael laughed. Calum knew it would happen before Michael moved. Quickly, he squeezed his eyes shut, but that didn't blend out the noise. The horrible sound of skin bursting thrilled Calum to the bones. Emo Fringe's roar of pain wasn't any better.

"You think, you can come in here, yeah?" Another punch. Calum wanted to run, help the poor kid, but he was frozen to the spot.

"Michael!" Luke tried.

"And snatch him away!” A knee to the stomach and Emo Fringe slid down the pillar, clutching his belly.

“Michael, please. Let him go!” Calum could hear the tear strain to Luke’s voice. He knew it wasn’t because of Emo Fringe.

The boy's arms didn’t protect him from Michael’s kick. “You unworthy piece of shit! How dare you put your filthy hands on him!”

“Stop, Michael, stop! You’re going to kill him!”

Ignoring Luke, Michael raised his fist. The next second, he had one hundred fifty pounds of boy hanging off his arm. Letting out an irritated noise, Michael shook Luke off of him, sent the younger boy tumbling backwards. Calum winced as Luke landed butt-first on the ground. There were a few moment of silence, then Luke started wailing.

“Ow, ow!” he cried out, clutching his arm which, as far as Calum had seen, hadn’t gotten hurt. Why Luke was doing it revealed itself in the next moment, though. And it were moments like these where Calum remembered that their blond friend was by far the most intelligent of them. At the first noise Luke made, Michael turned around, bloodlust fading from his eyes within a heartbeat, gaze clearing up as he scrambled to Luke’s side.

“Shit, Lukey, are you okay?”

Sniffling, Luke shook his head. “Michael," he whimpered. “It hurts.”

“Fuck, fuck, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to, I swear.”

In the background Calum could see Emo Fringe scramble to his feet. The boy was smart enough to flee the scene once he was standing, and not try to use Michael being distracted in order to strike back.

“Why did you do it?” Luke asked, once Emo Fringe was gone. Michael seemed to have completely forgotten about the other boy. Desperately, he was trying to mend Luke by stroking his shoulders and hair.

“I’m sorry, Lukey, I lost control. You know I’d never ever hurt you, yeah? I was just trying to protect you!”

“I know," Luke sniffed. “I just don’t understand why.”

“Lukey...”

“No, tell me!” There was such urgency to Luke’s voice. Calum knew then that he was lying.

And Calum could see his green-haired friend deflate. Then Michael’s eyes went dark, his expression becoming almost agonised. “You know why I did it.” His arms fell to his sides. “You know why I’ve always done it. You know why.”

Luke shook his head, “Say it.”

Calum couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Michael frightened, but in that moment he did. Hesitantly, Michael shook his head, "I can’t, Luke. I’m sorry, I can’t.”

“All these people!”

Suddenly, Luke was on his feet. What he saw was so foreign to Calum that he needed a moment to comprehend it. But when he did, his eyes widened. Luke was angry. Luke was angry and showing it. The blonde boy roared, "All these people I pulled! All these people I had to smile at and be nice to and…” He shuddered. “... allow to touch me. Just so you would come and protect me from them! Just so you would come and claim what’s been yours all along! And now that you did, now that you _finally_ did, you’re too much of a coward to say it?”

Calum had never seen Luke as mad as he was in that moment. It was scary, almost. “Say it, Michael! Say it now, or I’ll never allow you to say it again.”

“Lukey.” Michael seemed utterly small, on his knees on the ground where Luke had left him.

“No.” Luke’s voice dropped to a whisper. “Say it.”

When Michael spoke, it was too quiet for Calum to hear. But he didn’t need to. Calum knew anyways. Calum had known it from the moment in ninth grade when the paramedics had carried the mushy heap that had been Jamie Stevens away. _“Faggot!”_ Calum remembered the nasty glint in Jamie’s eyes as he had thrown the slur in Luke’s face. Calum remembered how Luke’s face had crumbled, distraught, and how Michael had went out of his mind. Jamie’s parents had transferred their son to another school three days later. One he could attend should they ever release him from the hospital. Mr Clifford had erased the act from his son’s report card by financing the school’s new library.

Calum turned away when Luke flung himself onto Michael’s lap, slung his arms around the older boy’s neck, crashing their lips together. There was a boy of Calum’s own waiting for him.


	11. Chartreuse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long wait, I really don't have an excuse besides that the holidays happened. Made it extra long to make up for it a little bit. Enjoy!

“Sit down," was the first thing Calum said as Michael and Luke sauntered into his living room, their hands intertwined.

Of course, they were holding hands. For the past two weeks, since the party at Calum’s house, he hadn’t seen his friends not touching. It didn’t matter if it was in class, where Luke would run his fingers through Michael’s hair while the other boy slept, at lunch where they were sharing their food all lovey-dovey, Michael staring down any of their friends who tried to comment on it, or at times like these.

It was worse when it was just the three of them, because neither Michael nor Luke had any kind of restraint in Calum’s company, apparently. Well, that had been the case before as well, and it belonged to the things Calum valued most about their friendship, but there were a few things he could live without.

“You look serious.” Luke was the first to get the hint, his eyebrows scrunching together as Michael pulled him onto the couch.

“Yeah, what is this? And why are you sitting on the couch table?” Michael added after a moment.

It took a lot out of Calum to not roll his eyes. "This," he shot them both a close-mouthed smile, "is an intervention."

"An intervention?"

"About sex," Calum added.

"Uh."

"Nope." Calum shook his head, crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I've had enough. You two will listen to me now, okay?"

"Okay," Luke smiled back at him.

"You two are fucking."

Michael grinned, throwing his arm around Luke’s shoulder, "Damn right, we do."

"No, I mean, you two are fucking all the time."

"That's not-" Luke tried, but Calum cut him off by raising his index finger. Michael’s nose scrunched up.

"I’ve walked in on you three times now."

"That's not necessarily our fault, you know," Michael leaned forward, shifting his upper body in front of Luke.

Calum huffed, "It is if I find you two doing it on my couch."

The blunt statement made a blush creep on Luke’s cheeks. At least he had the decency to look down, even though Calum didn’t miss the amused twitch to his mouth.

"You said they would need at least another half an hour to have our food ready," Michael muttered, running his hand through the younger boy's blond strands. "And I’ve told you I'm gonna pay for the upholstery."

“That’s not even…” Calum pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh. “That's not even the point. The point is that I love that you two finally got your shit together and admitted you love each other, really that was about damn time.”

“Thank you.” Luke interrupted him.

Calum smiled at him, then shook his head, “However, I don’t love seeing you loving each other on my shit. We clear?”

“Clear as day.”

Grinning, Michael jumped up, pulling Luke up with him.

“Wait, where are you going?”

“Guest room,” Michael leant down and pressed a slobbery kiss to Calum’s forehead. “Thanks for the PSA. We will keep it in mind.”

“Now? You are not-”

“Yup.”

Stunned, Calum watched his two friends make a beeline for the door leading to the hallway. Eventually, his brain reconnected with his mouth. With a groan, he hoisted himself from the couch table onto the couch, flopping down onto the comfortable leather.

“You two are shit friends!”

Michael spun around, walking backwards, mischief bright on his face, “Wanna join instead?”

“Thanks, I pass!” Calum smiled sweetly at him.

“Whatever floats your boat, honey!” Michael exclaimed, then threw the door shut behind him and Luke. Shaking his head at the closed door, Calum turned on the TV, setting the volume to the highest level.

*

Kid Ink’s _Victorious_ and the chanting of half his school's student body welcomed Calum as he lead his team onto the field. It was Friday night which meant game night.

Floodlight was illuminating the field and part of the bleachers, the players on the pitch casting long shadows as they walked past each other in row formation. Calum made sure to squeeze a little tighter with every handshake he had to give the players of the opposing team. He was barely able to hold back a grin when the opposing captain flinched. Michael behind Calum chuckled.

"Head or tails?" the referee asked him once all of the other players had dispersed onto the field, taking up their respective positions.

"Tails."

The referee threw the coin into the air, catching it with his left before slamming it onto the back of his right hand.

"It's tails. You wanna stay in your side?"

Calum grinned. "Yes."

"Okay?"

The opposing captain nodded, expression grim. He was smaller than Calum but more bulky. Defense, then. Calum would get past him nonetheless.

The referee looked around. "Alright, we're all clear. Shake hands."

This time, the opposing captain seemed prepared. Nonetheless, Calum didn’t yield as his hand was nearly crushed. After he had shot the other boy a mirthless grin, he jogged to his position. Calum savoured the adrenaline pumping through his veins, made the back of his head prickle with excitement. The referee blew his whistle and the game began.

For the first few minutes Calum held back, surveyed the players in midnight blue, keeping a special eye on their defense with their captain in the centre. Coach Jarvis had told them about the other team. They were good, technically versed as well as fast. Nonetheless Calum had faith in his own team. He knew they were better.

After a good ten minutes of the ball wandering between the two teams without ever passing the first line in either halves of the pitch, Calum let out a low whistle, calling his Left Defense who currently had the ball secured under his right foot. The boy shot him the ball, Calum catching it mid-air with his chest before spinning around and making a beeline for the goal. He was past the midfielders before any of his opponents had registered what was happening, grin spreading over his face. Nothing quite came close to the thrill of running his life out, his body automatically executing the right manoeuvres to ditch anyone who appeared in his way.

“Calum!” That was Jamie, his co-striker. Throwing himself to the right and scraping by the line of defenders that had so foolishly all made a run toward him, Calum shot the ball over to Jamie, who accepted it with his foot, stopping the ball. Calum could see his shoulders heave and wanted to sigh in frustration. Jamie, a junior, had always tried to get into Calum’s good graces, had been ogling at the captain’s band since Calum had started senior year.

 _Shoot, you idiot!_ Calum thought and tried to run himself free, but to no avail. The other captain was marking him up. Precious seconds passed in which Jamie waited for him. Eventually, Calum had enough.

“Jamie!”

Forcefully shouldering past the boy blocking him, Calum accepted the ball Jamie directed at him and ran. The moment another defender appeared in his line of vision, he shot, hammering the ball into the top right corner of the net, straight past the goalkeeper’s head.

The victorious scream bubbling up inside of him was cut short as Calum’s vision was blocked out by midnight blue. His feet left the ground as he was tackled full-frontal. All air was pressed out of Calum's lungs when his back collided with the grass. After a few seconds of being dazed, his head lolled to the side while he waited for the others to arrive. He only needed a few seconds to spot what he had hoped to find. There on the bleachers, in one of the upper rows he was. Curls tugged under a beanie, multiple layers of clothing being a dead giveaway. Ashton, Ashton was here. Ashton had come to watch him.

They had texted about the game, sure, but with everything going on in the locker room, Calum had eventually forgotten to look at his phone. Yet Ashton was there, standing straight, unmoving while all the other people around him were craning their necks to get a better look. His arms were pressed to his side, hands balled into fists. It was too dark to see his expression, but Calum didn't need to. He smiled.

"Oi, Cal! Mean tackle! You alright?" That was Toni, one of his midfielders. The next moment he was pushed out of the way by the referee and two paramedics. Calum let his eyes flutter shut as they began lay their hands on him.

"Can you breathe in for me?"

Calum did as he was told, shivering at the cold metal pressed to his heated up skin.

"I'm fine." He pressed out as soon as the second paramedic lifted her hands from his torso.

She just hummed. "Follow the light."

He blinked against the harsh light of the penlight directed at his pupils.

"Okay, pupil reaction normal. No concussion."

"Can he play?" That was Coach Jarvis. A small smile crept up on Calum's lips upon his slightly distressed voice.

"That's up to the boy."

Calum didn't miss a second to answer. "I’m fine. I can play."

Refusing the hands offered, he pulled himself up. His vision blurred for a moment, but after that everything was fine.

"Alright?" His Right Defense asked.

"Alright." Calum plastered a grin on his face, shaking his limbs out, bouncing up and down a couple of times for the crowd. He was rewarded with loud cheering.

"Shit, Calum!" Jamie appeared next to him and diverted Calum's attention to a huddle in the middle of the field. It didn't take Calum more than spotting a thatch of faded green hair to know what was up. Alarmed, he fell into a short sprint.

“You’re on the list now, bitch! I will fucking end you!”

It took two players from Calum’s team, clinging to Michael’s arms with their whole body weight to hold the taller boy in place as he was trying to tear himself free. A good five feet away from him, the captain of the opposing team that had tackled Calum was lying on the ground, nursing a bloody nose that Calum wasn’t sure originated either from their crash or Michael’s rage.

“Michael!” Pushing their team mates out of the way, Calum slung his arms around Michael’s torso, effectively pushing him backwards. “Calm down, Mikey! I’m fine!”

It took another few seconds of Michael heavily breathing into his ear and Calum digging his chin into the green-haired boy’s shoulder, creating a pressure point, for Michael to go lax in his arms.

“Okay?” Calum asked once he had pulled away.

Michael nodded, eyes clearing. “He just fucking rammed his shoulder into you like-”

“I know.” Calum sighed. “We’ll make him pay on the field, okay?"

Michael's jaw clenched, his eyes following a spot behind Calum's shoulder.

"Okay, Mikey?"

The other boys gaze flicked to him. Running his tongue over the corner of his mouth, Michael shrugged. "Yeah, okay."

"Great." Clapping his friend on the shoulder, Calum send Michael back to his position as Middle Defense and motioned the referee that they were clear to go on with the game.

With a red-carded captain and a more than pissed off Michael defending the goal they were supposed to shoot at, the other team didn't really stand a chance. The second goal was easy for Calum, as there was nobody marking him up anymore. The third time the opposing defenders had learned, so Calum had to resort to pulling one of his own midfielders with him to the front as cover. Nonetheless Calum managed to score in the end and that was really all he could care about.

Five minutes before the final whistle, Calum could see the frustration on the faces of the blue-clad players. He had held back during the second half until now. One of the opposing strikers had tried to breach past him as if Calum would ever let him. It was almost too easy to take the ball off the blue-clad boy.

“Jamie!”

“I’m free!”

Blindly, Calum shot the ball to the left. He didn’t wait to see if Jamie managed to get it, but spun around instead.

“Michael, close the back!”

The green-haired boy gave him a thumbs-up from the other end of their pitch half.

“Toni, Paul, you’re coming with me.” The two midfielders were flanking him in the blink of an eye. Calum prayed they would be able to keep up. By now, Jamie was cornered, ball secured under his foot.

Calum let out a low whistle. He could see the relief on Jamie’s face as he got to pass the ball. Calum accepted it with his knee. The moment the ball hit the grass, he made a run for his money. Calum and his team mates passed the ball in between them while they approached the goal. They had practised this manoeuvre, nonetheless Calum was nervous. The opposing team had given up on playing clean a good twenty minutes after Calum’s second goal. He was affirmed in his misgiving when Toni was fouled once they were close enough to the goal to score. It wasn’t bad enough for the referee to blow his whistle, but cost them precious time.  

Aggravated, Calum snatched the ball that had gone flying when Toni had gone down out of the air and made a beeline for the goal. His heart was hammering against his chest, the chanting of the crowd amplifying in his ears the closer he got. Calum knew what would happen when he saw the defender appear in his peripheral vision. He didn’t stop. Blending out everything else, Calum wedged his foot under the ball and lobbed it into the air, sending it soaring towards the goal with his head. His feet hadn’t touched the ground when his legs were kicked back under him. He crashed onto the field shoulder first, his body rolling a few times over before it inevitably stilled.


	12. Pearl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly have no excuse for this chapter. Disclaimer: Boys touching other boys.   
> Enjoy!

Calum's groan was drowned out by the ear-piercing blow of the final whistle. Wincing, he let his head fall onto the damp grass while the crowd on the bleachers erupted into cheers. Calum's knees were burning where the cleats of the other player had scraped the skin open. He had no time to recover, however, because in the next moment he was pulled up and into a bone-crushing hug. More and more bodies joined in, excited screams making his ears ring.

"We did it!"

"We won!"

"Calum, you hero!"

Calum couldn't help but smile. Slowly at first, then with a wide grin, he pumped his fist into the air. "Champions!"

It was chaos after that. People hugging each other, excitement making everyone buzz. Calum was excited as well, but for a different kind of reason. He had thought about it a lot, when the best time would be. And it didn't seem like there would ever be a better moment that this. Not with everyone hyped up, with everyone chanting his name. He felt like the king of the world right now. So Calum dodged the arms reaching out to him in favour of jogging out of the crowd and to the sidelines.

"Calum! Hey!" Ashton greeted him from a few feet away already, smile overshadowed by the worried lineaments around his mouth. "Are you okay?"

Crashing into Ashton half speed, Calum wrapped his arms around the other boy, pressing their lips together. It was a unique kind of sensation, prickling in the back of his head, the knowledge that all eyes were on them right now.

The hushed whispers and startled noises sounding from the people around them seemed somehow louder than all the cheering. Calum felt nothing but pride as he pulled away. Ashton was the most beautiful boy under the sun and he was all Calum's.

"I'm great. I feel great." He grinned.

Ashton looked back at him with wide eyes, mouth still open where Calum had nudged his lips apart with his tongue. For half a second his gaze flicked around, taking in the good quarter of the student's body looking at them. Out of the corner of his eye Calum could see a girl pull out her phone, a slight curse escaping her when the flashlight went off. Ashton blinked, his eyes locking back with Calum's. Then he broke into a beaming smile. His sleeves slipped to his elbows when he cupped Calum's cheeks, shaking his head in disbelief before wrapping his arms around Calum's neck.

"They are all staring at us." He whispered.

Calum grinned. "I know."

"Do you care?" Ashton didn't quite manage to ban the nervous undertone from his voice.

"Absolutely not."

Ashton's arms around his neck tightened. "Thank you."

Calum smiled into Ashton's curls. He was about to dive in for another kiss - he had to give the people something to really  talk about after all - when they were interrupted by a low whistle. Calum looked up to. His eyes landed on Connor, one of Michael's co-defenders and notorious arsehole. Calum sighed internally. He knew if it had to be anyone, it would be Connor. The sour expression on the other boy's face was enough to let Calum's heart sink.

"You're boning dudes now, Calum?" Connor's face scrunched up in disgust as he eyed Ashton up and down. "This charity case?"

The blood rushing through Calum's ears let him miss the fact that none of the people around them snickered. It was like everybody was holding their breath. Ashton next to him let out a barely suppressed wince and Calum moved, bridging the few feet between him and Connor, smiling.

The sucker punch hit Connor straight in the face. Calum felt the nasal bone crack under his fist. Connor let out a surprised shout, hands flying to his face as he tumbled to the ground. Calum didn't wait, but followed him. Placing his knee on the other boy's chest, pressing him further into the dirt, Calum looked up.

"This..." Blindly he pointed behind him. "... is Ashton." He called out loud enough for anyone to hear.

"He is my boyfriend. And anyone who has a problem with that, or with him, for that matter..." Calum let his gaze wash over the people around them, unyielding. "... is free to step forward now." Without taking his eyes of the crowd, he patted Connor's cheek. The boy let out a pained whimper. "I'm sure we can talk about it."

Calum waited a few more seconds, then he leaned down.

"Call him charity case again." He whispered. "And I will turn you into a head case. We clear?"

He didn't wait for an answer. Connor had gotten the message, Calum was sure. The crowd dispersed after that. The players headed for the showers, some of them clapping Calum on the back while walking by. The rest of the onlookers moved towards either the car park or the bleachers. Calum pulled himself up and walked back to Ashton. Next to him, Michael and Luke were waiting.

"Our son." Michael said to Luke, waving his hand in front of his face theatrically. "All grown up."

Calum snorted. Luke shook Michael's arm off his shoulder, pecking the green-haired boy on the lips, before throwing his own arm around Ashton's shoulder.

"You did well, Calum.”

“Thank you.”

“Grade A.” Michael supplied.

Luke smiled at him, eyes softening, before he looked back at Calum. “Now you two go shower. Ashton and I will wait in the car.”

It was fascinating, really, watching Ashton react to Luke, how his eyes went from wide at the unexpected touch to easing into the close proximity almost immediately. Calum smiled while Luke said. “There's a party waiting for us."

"Damn, right there is!" Michael exclaimed, earning funny looks from a few parents nearby. Next, he pulled Calum into the direction of the locker rooms. “C’mon, Cal. Time to cool you down a bit.”

*

“Wow.” With wide eyes, Ashton took in the space around them, the people crowding up the foyer, more and more spilling out of the living room to get some breathing space or join the smokers outside. "Michael doesn't do things halfways, does he?"

Calum laughed, leaning closer so Ashton would be able to hear him over the pounding bassline of the music. "Nope."

"Can we dance?" Ashton's eyes were so bright, galaxies indefinite. His head was resting on Calum's shoulder, his back pressed against Calum's chest.

"No." Calum shook his head, slinging his arm over Ashton's chest, intertwining their fingers. "This is just for the other people. There's a different party waiting for us upstairs. C'mon."

It made Calum's guts fill up with warmth, how pliantly Ashton let himself be pulled upstairs, past the obligatory couples that didn't make it upstairs and down the hallway. The further they went down, the less people they met.

From time to time Ashton let out low whistles. It happened whenever they would walk past a piece of art that Calum would call "splatters on a canvas", but according to Ashton's dreamy gaze were probably some kind of invaluable masterpieces. Calum wondered if Ashton was aware of the fact he was more beautiful than any of the artworks around them.

"This is it." Calum knocked thrice, the first two knocks a good second apart, the third after not more than a heartbeat. It was Michael who opened him.

"Finally, we were about to start without you." The green-haired boy scolded them, but there was no real heat behind his words. He lead them to the humongous sofa in the middle of the room. Luke was sprawled out in the middle of it, remote for the TV hanging off the opposite wall in hand.

"It's the new Liam Neeson, so hurry up!" Michael called over his shoulder before flinging himself over the backrest of the sofa. He missed Luke by merely an inch, using the close proximity to throw his arm around the blonde boy's shoulder with a soft "Hey."

Calum missed Luke's answer due to the dialogue on screen.

"A movie?" Ashton asked in a whisper while Calum pulled him towards the sofa.

"Luke doesn't like the crowd." Calum explained, flopped himself down next to his friends. Ashton followed him after a moment of hesitation. "You sure they are cool with me being here, joining the inner circle and all that?"

"Absolutely." Calum took Ashton's hand, kissed his knuckles. "You are my boyfriend. You belong to me."

Ashton's features softened, then he giggled. "You know, every single girl in grade eight would kill to be me, right now."

"But I wouldn't want any of them. I only want you." It was so fundamental to Calum, so clear as day in his mind that he didn't realise at first how much Ashton's expression changed at that.

"What?"

Ashton looked at him for such a long time that Calum got worried, his mouth forming a small o. Eventually, he shook his head. "Nothing, Im- I'm just really happy is all." Ashton smiled and pecked his lips, so Calum let it slide. It was hard to focus on anything else with Ashton's lips on his.

"You done talking now?" Michael threw a handful of popcorn at them. "We're trying to watch a movie here."

"Sorry." Ashton apologised before Calum could say something.

"It's fine." That was Luke, smiling up at Ashton from where his head was resting on Michael's chest. Calum felt the tension leave Ashton's shoulders as Luke's calming aura hit him. A smile spread over Calum's face when Ashton snuggled into the crook of his neck after that. Feeling Ashton's curls against his neck, he focussed on the screen.

*

Calum should have known beforehand that it would happen. Nonetheless he couldn't help the eyeroll when he let his gaze wander to the side, a good half an hour into the movie, to find Luke leant against Michael, their bodies pressed together so close it was hard to tell where one boy ended and the other began. Ashton beside him had noticed as well, his gaze having followed Calum's. His eyebrows raised higher the longer he looked at the other two boys making out. Calum felt the need to apologise.

Running his hand through Ashton's hair, he whispered. “I’m so sorry. They don’t have any kind of restraint.”

Not that Michael ever had, but Ashton didn’t know that.

Ashton tilted his head, his nose twitching as he watched the other two boys for another couple of seconds. Next, a sly smile spread over his lips. His eyes were dark when he met Calum’s gaze.

“You know.” He whispered back, his hand landing on Calum’s thigh. “Four can play this game.”

“What do you-” Calum was cut short because suddenly Ashton was in his lap, straddling his hips and looking down at him with that look in his eyes that reminded Calum of things they had done in the bedroom and only there. Oh, oh. Part of him wanted to laugh it off because no this was crazy. But then there were Ashton's lips on his, nudging his mouth open so that their tongues could slide against each other and, really, he had always been weak when it came to the curly-haired boy.

"Fucked up." He grinned against Ashton's lips.

"The emphasis is on the first word." Ashton grinned back and slotted their mouths back together. "We can totally win this."

"We have to inform them that we're game first."

Ashton nodded, then let out an obscene moan, loud enough to overtone the car chase going on on the in the background TV. Out of the corner of his eye, Calum could see Luke and Michael look up. It was weird, making out next to his best friends, it was, but it was also... hot. A real groan escaped his lips as Ashton started to grind down against him, causing his dick to twitch in interest.

It took every bit of focus Calum had not to crack into a grin when he could hear Michael say "Looks like we've got competition."

Luke's answer was drowned out by gunshots, but Calum could imagine what it must've sounded like. The next moment, Luke had climbed onto Michael's lap as well, his hands tangling in green hair.

Calum's attention was diverted then, back to the boy on top of him. Ashton quickened his previously slow pace, rutting his hips against Calum in a way that made him gasp. The other boy's pupils were dilating in the low light as he looked down at Calum, happy smile still etched into the corners of his mouth. In the same moment Calum could hear a loud moan from the other couch. It shot straight to his already hardening dick. Involuntarily his head flew to the side, to meet Michael's gaze.

The green-haired boy was looking at him, smirk on his lips. Calum smiled back, his competitive streak winning the best of him as he bucked his hips up, meeting Ashton halfway and causing the curly-haired boy to slump against him with a groan, his head falling into the crook of his neck. Michael narrowed his eyes before a sly grin took over his face. He poked his tongue out at Calum, then raised a hand to move Luke's mouth from his neck. Flipping Calum off, Michael captured the younger boy's lips on his.

Calum didn't know how long he had been watching his two friends suck face before an ungentle slap on the chest reminded him that right, he had a boy of his own. One that he loved very much and right now, wanted nothing more than bend over the couch table. That would have been a little bit much though, so he settled for the next best option.

"Wanna step it up a notch?" He whispered. Ashton nodded and Calum slipped his hands under his shirt, running his up and down his back before wandering lower, until he was massaging the soft yet hard flesh of Ashton's arse.

"Oh my-" Calum cut Ashton off with a kiss.

He replaced his mouth with his fingers. "You have to suck."

After the realisation what Calum wanted to do had dawned on Ashton's face, the curly-haired boy did, his tongue lapping against Calum's fingers until they were slick. Pressing their lips back together, Calum slipped his hand back into Ashton's jeans. Without lube it was almost impossible to work Ashton open properly. Calum tried his best, had to make Ashton spit and lap on his fingers several times but eventually, they managed and Calum had two fingers stretching Ashton loose. The noises he managed to coax out of Ashton as Calum moved his fingers in and out of him were worth every struggle. Calum swallowed almost every whimper, couldn't bring himself to let their lips disconnect.

It wasn't until Ashton whined, his mouth falling to bite into his shoulder when Calum reached that sweet spot inside him, that Calum remembered they weren't alone. With Ashton panting desperate demands of "again, Calum, do that again" into his ear that he was way too eager to oblige, Calum let his head loll to the side.

And it should have been weird, Calum knew that. He was fingering his boyfriend mere two feet away from other people. But these people happened to a) be his best friends since childhood, the only two who knew every of his dirtiest, darkest little secrets and b) Calum was pretty sure Luke's hand that had disappeared between Luke and Michael's bodies wasn't pumping up and down because the blonde boy was stroking Michael's stomach.

In all honesty, weirder things had been done by them than this... ménage a deux... deux fois. Calum was shit at french.

He would have only been concerned about Ashton, but one look into the other boy's face told him better. Ashton's lips distorted into a smile when their eyes met, but Calum could see the desperation underneath. Heat pooled rapidly into his stomach at the sight, turned him on even more than the noises coming from the other end of the couch, the motion of Ashton's dick rutting against his own through their jeans.

"I don't know how long-" Ashton broke off into a whimper as Calum added a third finger without a warning. "Oh my god, Calum."

Calum couldn't help but gasp into Ashton's mouth when the curly-haired boy pushed his hands past the waistband of his pants, taking a firm hold of him. "Ash."

Ashton leaned down, smiling sweetly at him before he pressed a kiss to Calum's cheek. "If I'm coming on your fingers with your friends next to us, then you're coming with my hand around your cock."

Calum groaned and like this he was tipped over the edge, muffling his groans in Ashton's shoulder while the other boy stroked him through it. It didn't take more than Calum wiggling his fingers around a couple of times more and Ashton followed him, letting Calum swallow all the moans escaping his throat as he collapsed on top of him.

"Fuck, fuck."

Ashton hummed against his neck, nibbling lazily at his clavicle before he sat up with a jolt. Calum followed his gaze to where Luke and Michael were still at it, moans barely restricted. Calum was just thankful Luke wasn't on all fours by now. Because he knew Michael would, in his own house.

"Looks like we've lost." Ashton commented after a long moment.

"Doesn't feel like it." Calum smiled, neither of them prying their eyes away.

"I feel icky, kind of." Ashton whined. "Does this house have a bathroom we could use?"

"Several."

A snort. "Of course."

Calum turned his head back to look at his boyfriend, grin splitting his face in half as he sat them both up. Securing Ashton on his lap with his hands, he wriggled them both to the end of the couch and onto his feet. Ashton wrapped his legs around his waist, giggling.

"You gonna carry me?"

Calum nodded. "Hold tight. I'm gonna clean you up and then show you our room."

"Our own room?" Ashton asked, mock surprised.

"Definitely. We don't need them for round two."


	13. Gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can barely believe it. It is done. We have made it yet another time! Thank you so much to everyone who has given this story a chance, who has commented, left me kudos or sent me fanmail on tumblr. You are all too amazing!
> 
> Love, endlessly. xx, Carly
> 
> The [rebloggable post for tumblr.](http://mikeykink.tumblr.com/post/108942132501/endlessly-by-thesoulsailor-on-ao3-i-know-who-he)

Ashton was on his knees in front of the banner when Calum entered the studio. The other boy’s hand was flying over the part he was colouring, his head bopping up and down to music only he could hear through his earphones. A sly smile spreading over his face, Calum placed his sportsbag on one of the tables. He walked over until he was standing behind Ashton.

Holding his breath, Calum crouched down and leaned forward. At this close of a proximity he could smell Ashton’s shampoo, mingling with the scent of laundry detergent, dry skin and Ashton. Calum granted himself a few seconds of just breathing the other boy in. Then, eventually, he placed his lips on the nape of Ashton’s neck. The curly-haired boy flinched, the paint brush he had been holding clattering to the ground before he eased into the touch.

“Fuck, Calum.” Ashton ripped the earphones out of his ears with a short tug. He shifted his weight onto Calum’s chest, making the both of them topple back so he was sitting between Calum’s legs. The fabric of his bandana was rough against Calum’s neck when he began nibbling on Calum’s neck in retaliation.

“Sorry, couldn’t resist.” Calum grinned, eyes trailing over the banner. A low gasp escaped him when Ashton dragged his teeth over the sensitive skin beneath his earlobe. With a slight shake of his head he focussed back on the artwork in front of them. “It looks amazing, Ashton.”

“Mhm. You interrupted the final drag, actually. Wanna help me?”

“Sure.”

Ashton wriggled around to peck him on the lips before he covered Calum’s hand with his. Guiding Calum's hand that was holding the brush, they shadowed the last part of the fountain.

"Done."

"Done." Ashton's voice was not louder than a whisper. Calum didn't know how long they remained in their position, just taking in what they had created. It was a different kind of pride than Calum felt on the pitch, but equally as strong.

"It looks amazing, Ashton."

The other boy wriggled around then, beaming at him as he settled himself back in Calum's lap, slinging his arms around Calum's neck.

"Thank you so much for helping me."

"Well, it wasn't like I had much of a choice, did I?" Calum laughed.

"Yeah, but..." Ashton looked down, rasping his knuckles over Calum's sternum, tiny frown playing on his lips as he failed to find words. Calum poked his tongue out. Ashton giggled upon the sight before he rested his head on Calum's shoulder with a sigh.

"What now?" Calum asked eventually.

Calum got suspicious when Ashton didn't answer.

"Ash?"

The curly-haired boy lifted his head. Intently, he searched Calum's eyes intently. Calum didn't squirm. Once he seemed content, Ashton tilted his head to the side, sly grin splitting his face in half.

"Cal, do you own a tux?"

*

Car after car was parked in the lot in front of the palliative unit. Out of some, people were climbing, all in formal wear. It made Calum feel slightly better about the anthracite suit he was wearing. After having steered the Range Rover into a spot near the entrance, he shut the engine off and made his way towards the building. He entered the lobby behind an elderly couple and what Calum supposed to be their grandson. He didn’t want to imagine the rest.

It was like a physical heaviness in the air that was weighing down on his chest, the knowledge what kind of place he had entered. He handed the clerk at the door his coat with a smile and carefully pocketed the coupon he received in return. It was then that he spotted Ashton standing at the far end of the hall. Calum wasn’t proud of the thoughts he had in that very moment. It was just the way Ashton looked in his cream-coloured suit, hand tugging on the knot of his anthracite tie as he talked to a nurse that was about the age of Calum’s mother. Ashton hadn’t told him much about the event, except that it was of the kind that demanded formal attire and where it was held. Calum had a few theories, but had been and still was too scared to ask about any of them. He wasn’t sure he would be able to deal if it was Ashton. Shaking the thought from his mind, he made his way over, slinging his arm around Ashton’s waist and pressing a kiss to his cheek in greeting.

“Hey!”

“Hey.” Ashton smiled softly.

"This is him?" The nurse asked, giving Calum a once over.

Ashton beamed. "Yeah."

"Nice to meet you." Calum stretched his hand out. After a few seconds of staring at his hand, him, and then Ashton, the nurse began to laugh. "Alright, sweetie, have fun tonight with your boy!"

"We will!" Ashton called after her, answering Calum's confused look with a quick peck on the lips. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too."

Calum's eyes fluttered shut when Ashton cradled his cheeks, pressed their foreheads together.

"I'm a little nervous."

Calum furrowed his brows, without pulling away. "Why?"

"Just, uhm..."

"Ashton."

Calum felt his heart pick up pace. This was it. The big secret. Intertwining their fingers with his left, he cupped the back of Ashton’s neck with his right. Calum didn’t know how long they remained like this, just breathing each other in. It was Ashton who pulled away in the end, eyes gleaming.

“Follow me.” Calum let Ashton drag him away from the crowd, out of the entrance hall. He would have followed his boy everywhere. The smell of detergent, sanitizer and hospital was heavier here. Calum’s heart sank when he read the letters on the security door _Youth And Children's Wing_.

It was almost like a cruel joke, the bright colours and happy cartoon animals smiling down at them as Ashton lead him through hallway after hallway. Calum could feel his hands getting sweaty. His heart was pounding against his rib cage when Ashton pulled him to a halt. Light was falling through the closed blinds of the room, casting bars of light onto Ashton's face, letting his hazel eyes gleam.

"She's very excited to meet you. I kind of told her a lot about you, so don't freak, okay?" Ashton's smile was betrayed by the nervous undertone to his voice. The hand holding Calum's squeezed. And suddenly, Calum was calm. He realised then, that this was not about him. It never had been. This was about Ashton and her behind the door. This was about Ashton letting him be a part of the last major aspect of his life he had closed off. Calum felt warmth spread through his body. It was not enough to oust the thrill from his bones, but it was enough to make his throat open up.

He went for a cocky grin, ease the tension. "It will be fine. I'm not that easily scared, I promise."

To underline his words, he pecked Ashton on the lips, short and sweet. It seemed to work. The tension left the other boy's shoulders.

"Okay, yes, okay." And with that Ashton pushed the door open.

"Ashy! Finally!"

The first thing Calum thought was that she was too young. She couldn't have been older than eleven or twelve, maybe, with her round face and small stature. She looked tiny in the big hospital bed. The second thought Calum had was how much the dimples in her cheeks resembled Ashton's. Calum tried to imagine her with hair, wild, caramel-coloured hair in a ponytail and sassily raised eye-brows. Like this, the resemblance was uncanny. Calum's heart broke. Anger flooded his veins. Anger because she was too young and there were too many apparati in the room, too many IVs pierced into her skin. Someone like her should be running on fields and school playgrounds and never look like this. Someone like her should be healthy and only worry about homework and clothes and how dumb the boys in her grade were. Someone like her deserved to live. The drawings on the walls seemed to mock him.

"Oh. Oh, Ashy, is that him?" Her bright eyes landed on him. "Are you Calum?"

His hand was squeezed. Right, he had promised.

"Hi." He forced himself to smile. "Yes, that's me. I'm Calum."

"My name is Lauren." The girl chimed, opening her arms up. Calum only needed a moment to trip forward. Emaciated arms wrapped around his neck.

"Ashy talks about you a lot. My brother likes you." She whispered into his ear. Suddenly her tone lost all mirth. "If you make him sad, I will make you sad. Understood?"

Calum pulled back to be met with the most deathly glare he had ever seen a girl half his size muster. He had to try hard to not burst into a fit of hysterical laughter.

Solemnly, Calum nodded. "Understood."

She beamed. "Great. Ashy, he can stay!" Lauren called over his shoulder.

"Well, I'm glad." Ashton came up behind him, slinging his arm around Calum's middle from behind. "Ready for the big occasion, princess?"

Lauren rasped her knuckles over the duvet covering her lower half. "I was born ready."

*

The ball room itself was was breath-taking. Fairy lights had been strung up under the ceiling and a real fountain was blubbering in the middle. Buffet tables were lined up at the far wall, coloured spots illuminating the dance floor. Amazed, Calum took it all in. Warmth spread through his body when he spotted a photobooth in one corner. Patients as well as their parents could take pictures in front of a giant park scene.

"That's our banner!"

"Yeah." Ashton laughed. "Lauren wouldn't budge on that one."

"Your sister organised all of this?"

"No uhm..." Ashton's smile faltered. His eyes shone suspiciously when he looked down. "It's her Make A Wish wish, all of this."

Calum tried to overplay the gasp that escaped his lips with a cough.

"She loves chick flicks and they always go to a prom in those, so..." Ashton's voice broke off and Calum felt like someone had stabbed him in the heart. "Oh."

His gaze flicked to the dancefloor where Lauren was wriggling around with her friends, all of them dressed in pretty pink dresses.

It was in that moment, that the song changed to something slow, Yellow by Coldyplay and Calum had an idea.

"Dance with me?"

Ashton looked up. "Really?"

"Sure. Don't you know I've got them moves?" Calum shook his butt and Ashton laughed. And if it was a little watery, none of them mentioned it. Humming along to the song, Calum pulled Ashton onto the dance floor and against his chest.

"Look at the stars, look how they shine for you." Calum sang into Ashton's ear as the other boy rested his chin on his shoulder.

"Thank you." Ashton interrupted him, eventually. Calum didn't ask. He knew what Ashton meant. It was an act of bravery, his next words. Nonetheless Calum knew, he wouldn't regret them.

"You are all the colours, Ashton. You're bright yellow, and shallow blue and hopeful green and all the of colours. You're so bright the sun seems black against you. And I'm in love with you. I can’t take away all that pain that is in your life right now, that will come. I can only try to mend it, at least a little bit, by telling you that I am in love with you. I'm in love with you, Ashton. I’m in love with you, endlessly."

Silent tears were rolling down Ashton's cheeks as he pulled apart to looks at the other boy. "Calum."

Calum smiled and leant down. The kiss was salty and bittersweet and perfect. The lights above them created blinding spots in his vision as Calum looked up. At least for this night, everything was all right.

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to [Dani](http://irwah.tumblr.com/) who brings me sunshine and Cashton feels. I blame her. 
> 
> Please feel free to let me know what you think via kudos/comments or on my tumblr [mikeykink](http://mikeykink.tumblr.com/) or follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/dendroluke) so we can be friends :) 
> 
> xx, Carly


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